The Forgiveness Factor

How important is forgiveness? What if we don't feel the person who hurt us deserves to be forgiven? Does it merely hurt that person if we choose not to forgive? No. In fact, the only person it hurts if we fail to forgive... is one's self. That other person is likely oblivious to the hurt we feel, or furthermore--may not even care.
So how important is forgiveness? It is just the very thing we need to be able to embrace for our own well-being.

A couple more thoughts about forgiveness before I share a song on this topic. Forgiveness is not simply, or necessarily, a one time event. You may find, like I have, that forgiveness is a process. A process that may take daily, or sometimes hourly, reaffirmation on our part that we choose to forgive the one who has hurt us.

One more point: forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. We can make the choice to forgive--to release ourselves from the resentment. But that does not always mean that the "checkbook" of the relationship has been reconciled. There may still be a negative balance against which checks from the relationship that are presented for payment may "bounce." But the personal cost is greater not to forgive. Remember, it is not your fault that the "check" presented to you may "bounce," the only thing you are responsible for is yourself... not anyone else's rubble.

"You live your life like a tornado.
Destruction follows everywhere you go.
And you have no plans to stop or slow.
I will not let this bitter root grow in me.

I will not let you leave that legacy,
But it gets so hard when pain is all I see.
And every time I find healing, you’re making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
And I tried to remove myself from your path,
But I keep on waking up in the aftermath.
So I pick up again and say I won’t look back.
And I will not let this bitter root grow in me.

I will not let you leave that legacy,
But this constant fight is breaking me.

 And every time I find healing, you’re making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
And it hurts when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love;
When everything you touch is rubble and dust.
And it gets so hard to know how to trust,
But I will not let that bitter root grow.
I will not let it, no no.
But it gets so hard.
And every time I find healing you’re making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness."

(Lyrics by Sara Groves)

1 different thought opens the door

How does change begin? Some say simply with desire to change. But desire is often not enough to move us forward into the drive energy it takes to change.

How does change begin? Quite simply, by thinking one thought different. Just like that.

Once you think just one thought differently then that opens the door, paves the way for thinking a second thought differently.

I am a firm believer that in order to change our behavior, we must first change our mind. All lasting change comes from within. It starts with positive thoughts, and then turn thoughts into actions.

The power of positive thinking and personal empowerment is a huge factor. A life filled with gratitude, rather than remorse. A life looking forward, rather than back.

One of the easiest cognitive therapy approaches to understand is that of Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) as developed by Albert Ellis.

Rational Emotive Therapy tells us about the ABC’s of emotional life. It is practical and easy to apply.

"A" stands for "Actual Event" and represents what happens to you in life.
"B" stands for a "Belief" about what happened.
"C" stand for the "Consequence" of the event on mood and behavior.

In life it appears to us that events happen and that the events cause our moods and behavior. It appears that A (an event) causes C (a consequence). So, if a friend breaks your trust you may be hurt and depressed. You may later tell someone that your friend has ruined your life and has made you miserable.

However, in order to be hurt and depressed you have to have a belief about what happened. You must be thinking in a certain way. It is your belief or thinking that is creating your reaction. You might be thinking, "It is horrible. It is terrible. I have been betrayed. I’ll never trust again."

It is your belief that is creating the consequence. Change the belief and the result will change. What else could you be telling yourself? What might be a more realistic assessment of the event?

You could be thinking, "This is tough and I don’t like it but I am glad that I found out now rather than later. I made a mistake, but I can learn from it. I can get through it." You reaction might be one of hurt and disappointment, which is a more realistic response. You would not fall into a state of depression and misery.

Changing your belief changes the result.

some information gathered from www.lessons4living.com/depression5.htm
mental health