Song of the Week: Headlights

"A summer drive away from dying,
a broken heart nothing to lose.
I know it hurts so bad just trying to please the ones you hate to love.
And I wrote this note about someone I used to know,
so I'd remember how life can be so short when your left alone to wonder,
how it is someone opens and shuts the door.

I know your cold but come home.
It's a shame how short we all have come.

You set your mind on cruise control,
knuckles grip the wheel in fear to let it go.
Love is empty, love is cruel, love it blindly breaks the rules.
How could you have been a fool?
It's something all of us go through.
You choke back tears and swallow lies but those wiper blades won't fix you eyes,
count on having clouded vision for at least a little while.

And I know you're cold but come home: it's a shame how short we all have come.
And I know you're cold but come home.

Please don't face the headlights of the oncoming cars alone.
We won't forget the past. (And I know you're cold)
Say all the answers and I will let you go,
I won't look back
and I won't look back.

Say all the answers
and I will let you go.
I will let you go.
I will let you go

Say all the answers and I will let you go,
I won't look back. [x3]

Please don't face the headlights of the oncoming cars alone
and I will let you go."

The above lyrics "Headlights" by The Classic Crime, are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.


selah

music therapy

A heartfelt look at the 5 stages of grieving the loss of a relationship

"Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, the time comes when we realize that the relationship is over. Sometimes this is a mutual decision and others the choice of only one. Rest assured though, if you have been in this relationship for any length of time, both people are experiencing a form of loss to varying degrees. Typically, we view this time as an ending. The chapter has concluded and now it is time to turn the page.

Turning the page on a particularly deep relationship, especially if you were not ready for it to end, is often hard. We, the one left behind, ask ourselves many questions laden with self-doubt. Our ego has taken quite a hit and now we are left with a swirl of questions, and often, few immediate answers. Friends or family will tell us the old, worn-out saying, “There are plenty of fish in the sea”, but at this point in our lives we don’t want “other fish”. We want “the fish” that we may well have believed was the “big catch” we had been fishing for and finally caught. Though our friends mean well, they are pushing us to move too quickly past what can be a time of healing and self-discovery.

Modern psychology tells us the second most intense life stress (after death) is divorce or loss of a love relationship. The feelings of excruciating pain, loss, and depression are real emotions not to be ignored, buried, or minimized. We must allow our emotions to run their course if we are ever going to regain our ability to get on with our lives.

Though you may not realize it, you are grieving and that grief is perfectly healthy and normal.

Everyone deals with grief differently. Some people cry. Some people bond with their anger and scream until their throat is sore. Some of us crawl into bed and try to sleep the pain away. Some withdraw from social settings and others over eat. What we are all clearly in search of is to experience some form of comfort during a time when it seems like nothing will ever makes us feel safe and secure again. A great love has left us and we don’t expect to get over it; ever.

David Kessler and Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in their book, On Death and Dying, provided the modern psychological world with a widely accepted model of the five stages of grief. Below is my personal adaptation of these stages as it pertains to the loss of a relationship:

1. Denial
The body’s natural defense system works to protect us from threatening situations during the initial stages. You may find yourself operating on “cruise control”. You are going through the normal, everyday activities of your life, but you are only vaguely aware of what is happening. You are, in all actuality, only “going through the motions”. It is common to expect him or her to call or show up at any time and this whole situation will be explained as a simple misunderstanding.

2. Anger
This is the beginning of the heartache. You will allow your anger to rage. You might rehash details of the relationship over and over again questioning everything that was said or done. You might beat yourself up over ever allowing yourself to get involved with “any one like that” in the first place.

3. Bargaining
It is common in this stage to rehash the past, but not in the way you did before. Now you are reliving the good times and often with rose-colored glasses. You remember the good times and you begin to view the bad times as not that bad after all. Here you may find yourself plotting ways to get your lover back, but often by sacrificing your needs. You might think, “If I could just get him to take me back, I will never be jealous about his affairs again.”

4. Depression
Your anger and scheming has finally subsided and now you have hit bottom. This is, with out a doubt, the most painful stage. Here you will question if you can ever be happy again. The finality of the situation has set in to your mind. It is over and now you know it. Often, this stage is where the feelings of loss and hopelessness are strongest.

5. Acceptance
Time can heal all wounds, but time alone will not be enough. During this stage, we come to grips with the raging tide of emotions. We have ended the internal struggle and have completed the healing process of grief.

If you have recently ended an intensely emotional relationship, you should see yourself within one of these five stages right now. It is important to remember that the emotions you are feeling are natural. You are emotionally healing. Embrace this time and allow yourself to move steadily through each stage.

You should be aware that continuing to struggle with your grief may cause you to remain within one stage for an extended period of time and even cause you to fall back into an earlier stage. As is always the case with human beings, everyone is different. You may progress quickly or you may linger in each stage far longer than you would like. Whatever the case, it is important not to put a time limit on yourself. Your mind and body will know when it is time to move on and forcing yourself to move on before they are ready can lead to further complications.

Facing the end of a love relationship is difficult to say the least. But, it is my sincere hope that you will find comfort in knowing that the overwhelming range of emotions you are experiencing are completely normal, healthy and most importantly temporary.

And so the chapter has finished. It’s ok to pause and collect your thoughts. It is not the end of the book. Ahead of you lie many more pages of joy, fulfillment, and adventure. When you are ready, you will turn the page and whole new chapter will begin."

About Author
Intuitive Relationship Advisor Brandon Windsor offers one-on-one love, dating, and relationship advice.
Article Source

mental health

Alumni page on Facebook for LaSalle University in Mandeville, LA.

Infidelity Sucks!

In my line of work, I hear so many stories. And in the songs I listen to I hear so many stories. This song below may not exactly be "telling" the story" that I can "hear" in it... but the song comes at a time when I have heard from so many broken people, broken relationships, lost trust and hope that it seems to "fit." It can be difficult to convey to people that sometimes "the hardest thing and the right thing are the same thing." A less poetic way to say it all might be: "infidelity sucks!" What would it take for any of us "all at once" to have the epiphany we needed to make sure that we chose the "right thing"? The question is the easy part... the answer is the hard part!

"There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come...

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another
To another."

The above lyrics "All At Once" by the Fray, are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.


selah

music therapy

Breaking Free! Getting UN-stuck...

Why do we stay "stuck" where we are in certain areas of our lives? Why is it that we talk about change, but but just can't seem to put drive behind our desire? This article contains five ideas to help the "shift" (from desire to action) happen, plus much more excellent information. Read on, click below!

read more | digg story



mental health

selah

Is "clean and sober" enough?

Is "clean and sober" enough? ...I had previously thought so!
There are countless areas of our lives that we can "clean up"-sometimes for extended periods of time.
Someone recently said to me that almost any "addict" can become "sober" (or pull off "abstinence" for a period of time), but it is NOT the same thing as "recovery."
The concept of "abstinence" and "recovery" do NOT apply only to addiction to alcohol-but also sexual addiction, addiction to drugs, food, smoking... you name it.
If we discover that something has control over us, and we can only maintain periods of control over "IT"... then it is a possibility that we have become good at "abstinence" (cleaning up) and yet not have ever truly started the life long, lifestyle changing process of "recovery."

I found a little bit of information on the distinction between "abstinence" and "recovery" below (I am sure there is a lot more on the web about this topic). This information is specific to alcohol- however, any addiction could well be substituted.
NOTE how many differences there are between the outlook of an individual who is toughing out "abstinence" and the person who is walking through "recovery."
{Leave your anonymous vote in the "what's your poison" poll in sidebar to the right...}

http://www.alcoholanddrugabuse.com/

"Abstinence from alcohol & drug use on the one hand and recovery from alcoholism & addiction on the other represent two very different states. Sometimes the boundaries between the two become blurred, but they're definitely there. Read on...

Some alcoholics and addicts become ABSTINENT but do _not_ enter recovery.
Abstinent, but not recovering, alcoholics (and addicts) show the following attitudes and behaviors:

• They maintain abstinence from alcohol and drugs because to drink and/or use again would most likely cause more problems.
• They don't enjoy being sober and clean, miss getting high, and feel disappointed in or angry about being abstinent.
• They maintain abstinence through will-power and believe that strong will-power is adequate for continued abstinence.
• They would like to drink and/or use again and would do so if reasonably sure that prior problems would not recur.

Some alcoholics and addicts are not only abstinent but also in RECOVERY.
Recovering alcoholics and addicts show the following attitudes and behaviors:

• They maintain abstinence from alcohol and drugs because to drink and/or use again would compromise the quality of life found in sobriety.
• They enjoy being sober and clean and feel grateful for sobriety.
• They utilize resources instead of or in addition to will-power to maintain sobriety and to learn healthier ways to think, feel, and act.
• They have no desire to drink or use again and would not do so even if reasonably sure that problems would not recur.

The bottom line is this:

Make no bones about it; moving out of alcoholism & addiction, through abstinence, and into recovery does not happen by accident or by magic. It requires time, patience, and above all - action."



mental health

selah