Relationship red flags

I found this excellent article written by Cynthia McKenna at http://www.counseling.typepad.com/

When we want a relationship to work, it is normal to try to overlook faults and habits that annoy us, because after all, we all have flaws.

I have met many people, women and men, who are in a lot of emotional pain because they have "tried to overlook" a problem in the name of trying to get along. So how are you supposed to know what is okay and what is not?

Here are 5 tips to help you identify true red flags:

1. If the issue or problem violates who you are or your core values - do not overlook this.

2. If the problem puts you in emotional or physical danger, do not ignore it.

3. If the issue puts your children at risk, you have to take action. I am not just talking about the risk of abuse or neglect - both terribly important issues and hopefully the need for action is clear. I am also talking about risk of your children losing their self-esteem. Sometimes, adults can act in ways that damage children's spirits - their souls. Even if your child says he or she is "okay" and has "forgiven" the transgression, it is a parent's job to protect their children. People do make mistakes, but if your son or daughter is consistently picked-on by adults or siblings, it is your responsibility to notice and help resolve the situation.

4. If there are addictions that are not being treated or addressed through counseling or 12-step programs, trouble is ahead. Addictions develop because there is deep pain. The person with the pain tries to cover it up with drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, etc. Sometimes, this covering-up is a conscious decision, sometimes it is not. However, all addictive behavior should be a red flag.

5. If your intuition tells you that something is wrong or even if you get the sense that things, "aren't right," you should listen to your internal wisdom. Intuition is truly a gift, an internal way of knowing what is good and what is not - we do ourselves a huge favor by listening to our own inner-knowing.

and a bonus tip :)

6. If you are waiting and hoping that the person will change, you might have a long wait. No one likes to change, and change frequently requires great effort and focus. It is reasonable to ask yourself, "What if this behavior does NOT change, am I willing to live with it for the next 20 years?"