Friday, March 6, 2009

Coming Clean...

We have all been in situations when we have done something we know we shouldn't have been doing. What is generally our natural reaction?
Cover, deflect, blame, minimize, justify.
I regularly facilitate a group. During group one night this week, while the participants were having their check-in time, one individual gave a report that "all was well and things were going better." Sounded encouraging. However, as facilitator of this group I was privy to information about this person's week that he was not coming clean with. So I probed and prompted, and still he stuck to his story.
The rest of the participants took their turn, and now it was time for break. Right before everyone left the room, this above man said "before we go I have to come clean with everyone..." and he did!
What happened next? Did we call him down? Did the group ridicule him? Did we make a mark on his record? Did we shame him? No! To the contrary, many people--myself included--cheered for him and gave him "high 5's, patted him on the back, etc.
Is that how it works in your world? In your family of origin? In your church?
Why is it that in many churches during the "invitation" a dozen verses of "Just as I am" are sung while everyone's heads are bowed. The pastor almost begs repeatedly for the parishioners to come forward and come clean. Why the hesitation? Why the delay? Could it be because churches, families, communities are sending the
wrong message about "coming clean"?
"Just as I am, and waiting not to rid my soul of one dark blot, to thee whose blood can cleanse each spot ...
Just as I am, thou wilt receive,
wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
because thy promise I believe,
O Lamb of God, I come."

It occurs to me that coming clean ought to look and feel a little more like it did in that group that night. Where a person can't hold inside what they need to be rid of any longer, and before another minute passes they blurt out what it is that they need to confess. And when they do... what is the response? Shame, alienation, recrimination? How about encouragement, rejoicing, welcoming... invitation to restoration!
Which experience leaves you wanting to stand tall, go forth and come clean and stay clean?



5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you run an amazing support group. Great post!

Anonymous said...

Hey Wendy, found your blog through your FB profile.

I, too, run a group (a substance abuse group) and interestingly enough we talked about the perils of disclosure this week, also. (We did it in the context of the Johari Window.) I found somewhere online a list of examples of secrets we keep that were categorized by type of disclosure (penitent, fear-based, shame-based, etc.) and read them one by one to the group. They spurred some insightful discussion and disclosure, expecially the statements about mental health and childhood abuse. One of the toughest things I have found about this group is getting them to understand the importance to their own process of listening to someone else's pain/healing.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing this. I too agree, sounds like you do run an amazing support group. Very insightful.

SelahCounselingLLC said...

Thank you Sharon! Much appreciated! The group takes a lot out of me, but it is so very rewarding too!

Hey Michele! Good to see you here! Wow! Amazing that you run a similar type of group (mine is a batterers intervention program--but D & A are big issues in the process). We had done the Johari window the week before. :) Keep up the good work! I know you are making a difference!

Thank you for stopping in and for your thoughts "The Real Gal"! Much appreciated!

Anonymous said...

It's amazing what happens as we begin the process of confession, or bringing our self and the beliefs of our heart in line with the truth/reality as God sees it.