The Forgiveness Factor

How important is forgiveness? What if we don't feel the person who hurt us deserves to be forgiven? Does it merely hurt that person if we choose not to forgive? No. In fact, the only person it hurts if we fail to forgive... is one's self. That other person is likely oblivious to the hurt we feel, or furthermore--may not even care.
So how important is forgiveness? It is just the very thing we need to be able to embrace for our own well-being.

A couple more thoughts about forgiveness before I share a song on this topic. Forgiveness is not simply, or necessarily, a one time event. You may find, like I have, that forgiveness is a process. A process that may take daily, or sometimes hourly, reaffirmation on our part that we choose to forgive the one who has hurt us.

One more point: forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. We can make the choice to forgive--to release ourselves from the resentment. But that does not always mean that the "checkbook" of the relationship has been reconciled. There may still be a negative balance against which checks from the relationship that are presented for payment may "bounce." But the personal cost is greater not to forgive. Remember, it is not your fault that the "check" presented to you may "bounce," the only thing you are responsible for is yourself... not anyone else's rubble.

"You live your life like a tornado.
Destruction follows everywhere you go.
And you have no plans to stop or slow.
I will not let this bitter root grow in me.

I will not let you leave that legacy,
But it gets so hard when pain is all I see.
And every time I find healing, you’re making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
And I tried to remove myself from your path,
But I keep on waking up in the aftermath.
So I pick up again and say I won’t look back.
And I will not let this bitter root grow in me.

I will not let you leave that legacy,
But this constant fight is breaking me.

 And every time I find healing, you’re making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
And it hurts when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love;
When everything you touch is rubble and dust.
And it gets so hard to know how to trust,
But I will not let that bitter root grow.
I will not let it, no no.
But it gets so hard.
And every time I find healing you’re making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness."

(Lyrics by Sara Groves)