Friday, January 14, 2011

The Forgiveness Factor

How important is forgiveness? What if we don't feel the person who hurt us deserves to be forgiven? Does it merely hurt that person if we choose not to forgive? No. In fact, the only person it hurts if we fail to forgive... is one's self. That other person is likely oblivious to the hurt we feel, or furthermore--may not even care.
So how important is forgiveness? It is just the very thing we need to be able to embrace for our own well-being.

A couple more thoughts about forgiveness before I share a song on this topic. Forgiveness is not simply, or necessarily, a one time event. You may find, like I have, that forgiveness is a process. A process that may take daily, or sometimes hourly, reaffirmation on our part that we choose to forgive the one who has hurt us.

One more point: forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. We can make the choice to forgive--to release ourselves from the resentment. But that does not always mean that the "checkbook" of the relationship has been reconciled. There may still be a negative balance against which checks from the relationship that are presented for payment may "bounce." But the personal cost is greater not to forgive. Remember, it is not your fault that the "check" presented to you may "bounce," the only thing you are responsible for is yourself... not anyone else's rubble.

"You live your life like a tornado.
Destruction follows everywhere you go.

And you have no plans to stop or slow.
I will not let this bitter root grow in me.

I will not let you leave that legacy,
But it gets so hard when pain is all I see.
And every time I find healing, you’re making a new mess,

And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
And I tried to remove myself from your path,
But I keep on waking up in the aftermath.
So I pick up again and say I won’t look back.
And I will not let this bitter root grow in me.

I will not let you leave that legacy,
But this constant fight is breaking me.

 And every time I find healing, you’re making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness.
And it hurts when you hit at the hearts of the ones I love;
When everything you touch is rubble and dust.

And it gets so hard to know how to trust,
But I will not let that bitter root grow.
I will not let it, no no.
But it gets so hard.
And every time I find healing you’re making a new mess,
And I am learning the real meaning of forgiveness."
(Lyrics by Sara Groves)

14 comments:

Adam Szmerling said...

Forgiveness is easier said than done. Sometimes saying it is no easier, though. Sometimes what we call forgiveness is but a defense against hatred. But with counselling we can come to a place where forgiveness is an unfolding, mature process.

JD said...

Nice blog. gr8 work. Though you all can share your stories in here as well : http://pour-your-heartoutt.blogspot.com

Counseling Services CA said...

Thanks For one more nice post.Really to Forgive some one is the main think from the other one where as Professional Counseling is come from some experience.

Russ said...

Excellent way to describe it. Your blog is a good read, keep it up!
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Unknown said...

Nice post. I agree with Adam- forgiveness is indeed easy to say but when you are about to do it for the rest of your life, especially giving it to someone who did something horrible to you, it's really not that easy. Yet this is what God wants us to do, and so we have to learn to forgive for our own sake as well. If you are looking for someone to listen to you about your thoughts on forgiving someone, you can go to www.talkwelisten.com and share all your feelings.

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www.livecounselling.ca said...

While forgiveness can be hard it is part of the healing process and needs to take place. It becomes a matter of when, not if.

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www.livecounselling.ca said...

While forgiveness can be hard it is part of the healing process and needs to take place. It becomes a matter of when, not if.

Carpe Diem Online Counselling Team

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LeaMikhaela said...

even though many have hurt us we need also learn to forgive, cause God forgives us even if we have hurt Him so badly..pain is forever but if we can learn to forgive your life would be happy and everything will be okay

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Stacey Beck said...

This is one of the biggest reasons I want to take my family to family counseling in three Rivers MI. I feel like we have all grown so far apart and don't work together like a family should. Thanks for posting!

David Ferguson said...

I think that forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools that we have in our quest for emotional wellbeing. It is more about letting go than letting people off the hook. Nice blog post.

Cheers, David Amima Counselling Brisbane

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