Monday, March 17, 2008

Are placebos as effective as antidepressants in treating depression?

I read this article in Newsweek today, and I think I was a little taken aback. I believe that in some situations the "placebo effect" can play a role in "improvement," but I have also seen various medications make a difference in the lives of those who really need them ("need" being determined hopefully by a skilled and insightful primary care provider who does a full examination and psycho-social evaluation).

"Placebo Nation: Just Believe"

It's not that medicines are 'crummy,' but that placebos are so powerful. It's time scientists learned why.

Updated: 12:22 PM ET Mar 8, 2008

When you write about science, there is no shortage of topics that incite the wrath of readers. Climate change. Evolution. Racial differences in IQ. But say that dummy pills with no pharmacologically active ingredients—placebos—are about as effective as antidepressants in treating depression, and watch out. People are incensed at the very thought that the (often expensive) meds they rely on might be 21st-century versions of the magic feather that Dumbo, the flying elephant, was told would make him airborne. It was only when Dumbo dropped the feather he was clutching in his trunk while in free fall, and started flapping his ears, that he grasped that his powers actually came from within, allowing him to fly.

No one is saying "positive thinking" can cure cancer, or that patients should throw out their pills, let alone that illnesses that respond to the placebo effect are "all in your head"—imagined. But there is no denying the drumbeat of studies on the therapeutic power of placebos. Over the years they have been shown to relieve asthma, lower blood pressure, reduce angina and stop gastric reflux. An inert solution injected into the brains of patients with Parkinson's disease reduced muscle rigidity about as well as standard drugs. In a bizarre finding, sham surgery of the knee, in which patients got sedation and an incision but no actual procedure, relieved the pain of osteoarthritis better than actual arthroscopy—and produced an equal improvement in joint function, scientists reported in 2002. And last month an analysis of clinical trials of a range of antidepressants found that, except in the most severe cases, placebos lifted the black cloud as well as meds did.

To be sure, no study is perfect. In the antidepressant one, the placebo might not have looked as effective if it had been compared with the drug that worked best for each patient, rather than with the one that happened to be chosen for the clinical trial. (Some patients respond better to Paxil, some to Effexor or others, for reasons that remain murky.) But the fact remains that placebos are at least somewhat effective and sometimes very effective for some patients. Rather than railing against that finding or pretending it doesn't exist, what we should be doing is learning how brain activity that corresponds to the expectation of cure translates into clinical improvement. As Dan Ariely of Duke University says, "It's not that medicines are crummy, but that the placebo effect is so powerful."

There have been clues about the source of that power. In Parkinson's disease, studies find, the expectation of getting better raises brain levels of the neurochemical dopamine, whose shortage underlies Parkinson's, and normalizes the pattern of firing in a region of the brain where aberrant firing causes the loss of motor control. When the placebo effect relieves pain, it releases natural opioid-like molecules in the brain that have analgesic effects like morphine.

Ariely, a behavioral economist, saw the power of placebos during the three years he spent in a hospital recovering from a horrific accident that left him with third-degree burns over 70 percent of his body. Night after excruciating night, patients would beg for painkillers. One day, he recalls, "I overheard the doctors telling the nurses not to give a certain patient any more morphine. A few hours later, when the same patient started begging for painkillers I saw the nurse going to her room with an injection," and soon the patient fell asleep. When Ariely asked the nurse about it, she said the injection was plain saline—a placebo.

Ariely's curiosity about the power of expectation—which he explores in his new book, "Predictably Irrational"—inspired a study of what affects those expectations. He and colleagues gave 82 volunteers a brochure explaining that they would be testing a new pain drug called Validone that worked like codeine, but faster. (It was actually a placebo.) Each then received a series of electrical shocks on their wrists, rating them from "no pain at all" to "the worst pain imaginable." Each then took a "Validone." Half were told it cost $2.50, the other half that it cost a dime. They then received shocks again. Of those who got the $2.50 pill, 85 percent felt less pain from the same voltage than before taking it; 61 percent of those taking the cheap pill felt less pain, the scientists reported last week in The Journal of the American Medical Association. The pricier the drug, the higher the expectation of efficacy, and the stronger the placebo effect.

That will not surprise doctors whose arthritis patients screamed bloody murder after Vioxx was withdrawn from the market after studies showed it raised the risk of heart attacks. People insisted that switching to cheap aspirin just did not relieve their pain and suffering. Maybe. But in light of Ariely's research, you've got to wonder. And patients who protest when their insurer makes them switch from a name-brand drug to a cheaper, biologically identical generic? "Many claim the generic is less effective," says Ariely, "but you have to consider whether that's an effect of the price. The placebo effect is about expectations, and we expect more-expensive medicines to work better." Maybe researchers would be interested in figuring out how to harness that effect if only it were patentable.

URL: http://www.newsweek.com/id/120094, © 2008 Newsweek


Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Pointers to help a partner live with mental illness

The mental illness your partner suffers with is something that is happening to your entire family. All are affected and it is nobody's fault. It is not your fault, your partner's or your children's fault. It is an unfortunate illness.
  • You cannot fix your partner. There is nothing you can do to make him or her well, so don't feel compelled to try. What you can do is be supportive, loving and handling the everyday details and practical issues of life that he or she cannot cope with.
  • All members of the family have a responsibility to cope with the illness. Escape is not a helpful way of dealing with crisis. You all need each other.
  • The ill partner must recognize and accept the illness, be willing to receive treatment, and if possible, learn to manage the illness. If the ill partner is not willing to do these things, it may become impossible for the family to continue to support him or her. The family is not required to throw away their own lives for someone who refuses to cooperate. There are limits and they must be enforced without feelings of guilt.
  • Educate yourself concerning every aspect of the illness. Education brings compassion. Ignorance just encourages anger and fear.
  • Grieve your loss. It is a great loss. You need to allow yourself the time and energy to experience the entire process of grieving.
  • Get help for yourself to cope with this incredible challenge, either from your own counselor or a support group. You can't do it alone. Don't refuse to recognize your own need for help, just because the ill partner is getting most of the attention.
  • Help your children understand the illness as much as their age allows. NO FAMILY SECRETS. Don't deny them the opportunity to learn about the illness, the unfair stigma attached to it, and developing their own skills in coping. It can be an incredible learning opportunity for them. If they need proof and help to understand it and their own feelings, get it for them.
  • Try to create a safe environment for the partner to express himself/herself without feeling threatened, constrained or condemned. He or she desperately needs a nurturing, safe place to express the incredible frustration he or she is feeling about coping with mental illness.
  • You and your children need to share your feelings, honestly and openly. It's okay to feel angry and cheated. At times you may feel embarrassed by the ill partner's behavior, avoid trying to protect your partner by not discussing the problem with family or friends. Don't require your children to conspire with you in a code of "family secrecy." Family secrets will only isolate you from others. Remember that small children, by their very nature, assume that they are responsible for anything in their environment that goes wrong.
  • Never put yourself or your children in physical danger. If you sense your partner is becoming dangerous, you should leave and call for professional help. You should never tolerate abuse of you or your children. Trust your instincts and intuitions on this one. Say, "no way" and mean it.
  • Become your partner's advocate with the medical professionals, assertively involved in his treatment and medications. If the medical professional or psychiatrist won't cooperate with you, demand a different one! Treatment should involve the entire family, so find a professional who will work with the whole family. You know more about your partner's illness than anyone else. Trust your instincts.
  • Frankly assess what your partner can and cannot handle, the compensate assertively. Some people with mental illness cannot handle money, some household chores, time commitments and too much stress. You must not do things for your partner that he or she can do for themselves. Don't rob him or her of their dignity.
  • Maintain your own identity; resist becoming consumed with your partner's illness. Life goes on. You have an obligation to yourself and your children to take care of yourself and meet your own needs. You all must continue to develop your own interests and talents. You are a valuable human being, so don't play the martyr role and sacrifice yourself. That's just self pity. "Get a life."
  • Always hope for healing. The medications do work and new ones are being developed. You may get your partner back whole some day. If nothing else, the experience will broaden and deepen you in ways you never imagined. Or, you can choose to let it destroy you, your family and your relationship. It is your choice.
  • Keep in mind that bad things happen to good people and you're no exception. You have not been singled out for a special persecution. Trying to make good choices in life won't protect you from misfortune. You haven't been "dumb" to "get yourself in this situation." It is not your fault. Life is not easy, we have to take what we get and make the best of it.

Excellent article found at this link. (healthyplace.com)

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Humor for anyone who ever had to do a Genogram

If you know what a Genogram is, and have had the "joy" of doing them... you will probably chuckle at this pic.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The Stigma of Mental Illness

Just as diabetes is a disorder affecting the pancreas, a mental illness is a disorder which affects the brain. This disability affects a person’s mood, feelings, emotions and has the ability to interfere with a person’s employment, friendships and relationships.
Common Myths about Mental Illness
  • Mental Illness is caused by a weakness of personality.
    A mental illness is not a character flaw. It is an illness; just as diabetes, cancer and glandular fever are illnesses. A person suffering from a mental illness is not lazy for simply not “snapping out of it” or “cheering up”, just as with any illness help and support is required to overcome mental illness.
  • People with a mental illness are violent and dangerous.
    People suffering from a mental illness are no more likely to be violent than any other person or group. It is often the case that people suffering from a mental illness are more likely to be the victim of a violent act rather than the perpetrator of one.
  • Mental Illness is a single, rare disorder.
    A mental illness is not a singular disease, but a broad classification of a whole range of mental disorders.
  • People with a mental illness are poor and/or less intelligent.
    Mental illness can affect any person of any age, class, religion, gender, income level or intelligence.
Types of Mental Illness
The following is a list of disorders which can be classified as a “mental illness”. If you would like more information on a specific condition, please click the link for further information. Please note this is not a comprehensive list as there are many forms and subdivisions of mental illness.
Affects of Mental Illness
A mental illness can affect every facet of everyday life. It interferes with a person’s ability to work, relate to others, forge friendships and relationships. If left untreated a mental illness can lead to: homelessness, unemployment, substance abuse, inappropriate incarceration, suicide and wasted lives.
The Stigma of Mental Illness
The stigma against mental health is stopping those suffering from seeking support and combating their illnesses. The misconceptions and judgement of those affected by mental illness are preventing people from admitting their problems and seeking help. The fear they will be “shunned” by society is a powerful reason to not seek help. It is time for these misunderstandings to be removed from society, it is time for the stigma surrounding mental health to be destroyed.
How can we raise awareness of Mental Illness?
We need to talk about it. Pure and simple. Brushing something aside, pretending it is not there or refusing to discuss this issue is preventing people from understanding the pain and devastation a mental illness can bring to someones life. It affects not only them, but their family and friends also. If we had not started talking about the seriousness of diabetes, cancer or HIV then the advances made in the treatments of these illnesses would never have occurred.
It is time the misconceptions of mental illness were demolished - talk and discussion is the only way this will occur.
(Psych Central)


Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Help! I'm stressed and don't have time to fix it!

Most of us experience stress, but at what point does stress become a problem? And, if stress levels do become problematic, how does one best go about reducing stress? Some of this information can help you understand the whole process of reducing stress and living the more balanced life you were meant to live.

Step 1: Understand Stress and Its Role In Your Life
The first step to conquering stress in your life is understanding it. There are different types and levels of stress, and it affects you in many ways. Here are some resources to help you better understand the stress you experience—and stress in general—so you’ll be in a better position to handle it.

* Good Stress vs. Bad Stress
We all experience stress in our lives, and it’s actually been found that some stress in your lifestyle is good for you. The problem with stress is when it becomes excessive, and when you don’t allow yourself the opportunity to recover from stressful episodes. This article explains the different types of stress, what kind of stress is most detrimental to your health, and what you can do to stay healthier.
* How Stress Affects Your Health
Stress can affect your health in many ways, some obvious and some less obvious. Here is a listing of the various ways stress can affect your body, with explanations of each. Also, this article gives you some additional information on how stress can even make you get sick more often, and help you stay healthier, even during flu season.
* Can Stress Affect Your Weight?
This is actually a question I hear a lot, so I thought it was important to include here. There are various ways that stress can affect your weight, from affecting your eating patterns to altering the way your body processes food! This article explains more about it, and gives resources for keeping your body fit even when you’re under stress.
* Lifestyle Factors and Personality Factors. Some of us experience more stress than others.

Feel Better Now

If you want to lower your stress level in a matter of minutes, these techniques are all relatively fast-acting. Use them as needed to feel better quickly; practice them regularly over time and gain even greater benefits.

* Breathing Exercises
* Meditation
* Reframing With a Sense of Humor
* Music

* Exercise
* Guided Imagery / Visualizations
* Journaling

Take Care of Yourself

When we're stressed, we don't always take care of our bodies, which can lead to even more stress. Here are some important ways to take care of yourself and keep stress levels lower.

* Healthy Eating
* Better Sleep
* Exercise

* Hobbies
* Good Nutrition
* Healthy Sex Life

Maintaining The Right Attitude

Much of your experience of stress has to do with your attitude and the way you perceive your life's events. Here are some resources to help you maintain a stress-relieving attitude.

How The Law of Attraction Works
Basically, the Law of Attraction works like this: you create your own reality. What you focus on, what you emote about, is what you draw into your life. What you believe will happen in your life is what does happen. This isn’t as simple as it seems, however, or everyone would have the lives that they want naturally. For example, people who are in debt and continually tell themselves, “I need more money,” don’t find more money, they continue to “need more money” because that is the reality that they create. (Read this article for more on the secret of attraction.)

Why It Works
Many people wonder why this works, and there are more than one explanation. The two main schools of thoughts go along these lines:

* The Spiritual Explanation:
Many people believe that the Law of Attraction works by aligning God or the Universe with our wishes. We are all made of energy, and our energy operates at different frequencies. We can change our frequency of energy with positive thoughts, especially gratitude for what we already have. By using grateful, positive thoughts and feelings and by focusing on our dreams (rather than our frustrations), we can change the frequency of our energy, and the law of attraction brings positive things (things of that frequency) into our lives. What we attract depends on where and how we focus our attention, but we must believe that it’s already ours, or soon will be.
* The Traditionally Scientific Explanation: If you’re one who needs things to be a little more easy to prove, there is also a different explanation for how the law of attraction works. By focusing on attaining a new reality, and by believing it is possible, we tend to take more risks, notice more opportunities, and open ourselves up to new possibilities. Conversely, when we don’t believe that something is in the realm of possibilities for us, we tend to let opportunities pass by unnoticed. When we believe we don’t deserve good things, we behave in ways that sabotage our chances at happiness. By changing our self talk and feelings about life, we reverse the negative patterns in our lives and create more positive, productive and healthy ones. One good thing leads to another, and the direction of a life can shift from a downward spiral to an upward ascent.

Proof That The Law of Attraction Works
Whatever the underlying reason, reams of anecdotal evidence confirm that the law of attraction works. And, for those science-minded folks out there, research does seem to support the positive effects of the Law of Attraction as well. For example, research on optimism shows that optimists enjoy better health, greater happiness, and more success in life. (The advantage that optimists share is that they focus their thoughts on their successes and mentally minimize their failures. This article has more information on the traits of optimists.) One of the foundations of therapy is that changing your self-talk can change your life in a positive direction. And millions of people have found success with positive affirmations.

Wisdom on stress found at About.com

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

How about...

"How bout getting off of these antibiotics
How bout stopping eating when I'm full up
How bout them transparent dangling carrots
How bout that ever elusive kudo

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

How bout me not blaming you for everything
How bout me enjoying the moment for once
How bout how good it feels to finally forgive you
How bout grieving it all one at a time

Thank you India
Thank you terror
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you frailty
Thank you consequence
Thank you thank you silence

The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down

How bout no longer being masochistic
How bout remembering your divinity
How bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out
How bout not equating death with stopping

Thank you India
Thank you providence
Thank you disillusionment
Thank you nothingness
Thank you clarity
Thank you thank you silence."
BY Alanis Morissette

The above lyrics are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Can Marital Fights Be Beneficial?

By: Rick Nauert, Ph.D.
Senior News Editor

Reviewed by: John M. Grohol, Psy.D. (from Psych Central)

A good marital fight appears to have beneficial health effects. The finding comes from a study that discovered couples who suppress their anger when one attacks the other, die earlier than members of couples where one or both partners express their anger and resolve the conflict.

University of Michigan researchers looked at 192 couples over 17 years and placed the couples into one of four categories: both partners communicate their anger; in the second and third groups one spouse expresses while the other suppresses; and both the husband and wife suppress their anger and brood, said Ernest Harburg, professor emeritus with the U-M School of Public Health and the Psychology Department, and lead author.

The study is a longitudinal analysis of couples in Tecumseh, Mich.

“Comparison between couples in which both people suppress their anger, and the three other types of couples, are very intriguing,” Harburg said.

When both spouses suppress their anger at the other when unfairly attacked, earlier death was twice as likely than in all other types.

“When couples get together, one of their main jobs is reconciliation about conflict,” Harburg said. “Usually nobody is trained to do this. If they have good parents, they can imitate, that’s fine, but usually the couple is ignorant about the process of resolving conflict. The key matter is, when the conflict happens, how do you resolve it?”

“When you don’t, if you bury your anger, and you brood on it and you resent the other person or the attacker, and you don’t try to resolve the problem, then you’re in trouble.”

Of the 192 couples studied, 26 pairs both suppressed their anger and there were 13 deaths in that group. In the remaining 166 pairs, there were 41 deaths combined.

In 27 percent of those couples who both suppressed their anger, one member of the couple died during the study period, and in 23 percent of those couples both died during the study period.

That’s compared to only six percent of couples where both spouses died in the remaining three groups combined. Only 19 percent in the remaining three groups combined saw one partner die during the study period.

The study adjusted for age, smoking, weight, blood pressure, bronchial problems, breathing, and cardiovascular risk, Harburg said.

The paper only looks at attacks which are considered unfair or undeserved by the person being attacked, said Harburg. If the attack is viewed as fair, say an abused child or woman who believes they deserved the attack, then the victim does not get angry, Harburg said.

Harburg stresses that these preliminary numbers are small, but the researchers are now collecting 30-year follow-up data, which will have almost double the death rate, he said.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Relationship Counseling: Does It Work?

By Coulson Duerksen

Everyone knows that having excellent relationship communication is vital to your relationship. In many forms of relationship counseling, relationship counselors will bring up relationship communication as part of relationship counseling. Since statistics show that 60 percent of marriages end in divorce, one reason may be that many couples don't seek relationship counseling until it's too late. Most people who have tried relationship counseling believe it works, and couples who have split often say they wish they had tried relationship counseling first to help improve their relationship communication.

"Most people realize that getting rid of your partner does not get rid of the problem because half the problem is yours," says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, author of Make Up, Don't Break Up (Adams Media Corporation, 1999). "You can walk out on your marriage, but you can't run away from yourself — no matter how hard you try," she says.

One of the biggest challenges for most couples is learning how to stop blaming each other so that they can work through the troubled times without the power struggles. Relationship counseling offers a safe haven for couples to express their needs and fears and effectively resolve anger and conflict.

"More relationships break up because people don't know how to validate each other," says Dr. Eaker Weil. But with the right counseling and a little practice, couples can learn the skills to save their relationships.

A Conscious Approach to Relationship Counseling
Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., and Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D, authors of The Conscious Heart: Seven Soul-Choices That Inspire Creative Partnership (Bantam, 1999) and Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment (Bantam, 1992), have worked with thousands of couples over the past two decades. They're the first to acknowledge that success depends upon a number of factors, including the approach.

The Hendrickses take a "whole-body" learning approach. They look for the physical "dance" that's going on between partners, and ask couples to notice what's going on in their bodies. Is there tension? If so, where? Is their breathing shallow? By identifying actual body sensations, such as "my heart is racing," people accomplish two things: 1) They change their state of consciousness, and 2) begin to communicate on a level that is unarguable. Communicating in a way that is unarguable is the most valuable skill you can learn, according to Kathlyn Hendricks, because it allows you to communicate without blame. "Identifying body sensations is the foundation for identifying how we create (and resolve) conflict," she says.


Relationship Counseling: Something for Everyone
The Hendricks's method is not for everyone because it means that each partner has to take 100 percent responsibility for their experience in the relationship. But with the overwhelming number of approaches to relationship counseling available, just about everyone can find one that works for them.

Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom (Bantam, 1998) and The Wisdom of Menopause (Bantam, 2003), has tried and recommends the Hendricks's approach to relationship counseling. "I am a big fan of marriage," she says. "I think everyone can use a little help with beliefs and behaviors when it comes to relationships." Although divorced, Dr. Northrup advocates doing all you can to make your marriage work, unless it's a physically, psychologically or emotionally abusive relationship. If so, you need help, not relationship counseling. Organizations such as Family Crisis (1-800-537-6066) are available 24 hours a day.

Dr. Northrup also recommends Michele Weiner-Davis's approach to relationship counseling, along with her book, Getting Through to The Man You Love: The No-Nonsense, No-Nagging Guide For Women (Golden Books Pub. Co., 1999), and Dr. Phil McGraw's approach, which is outlined in his book Relationship Rescue: A Seven-Step Strategy for Reconnecting With Your Partner (Hyperion, 2000).

Weiner-Davis, an internationally renowned relationship expert and psychotherapist, has said that everything a woman needs to know about changing her man can be learned from a good dog-training manual. Weiner-Davis, who only counsels women, teaches skills to help women create the type of relationships they want.

Dr. Phil, a psychologist, takes a more confrontational approach to stopping the "blame cycle" by asking couples to decide to be happy, not right. His seven steps involve: Defining what's "wrong" with you and your relationship; ridding yourself of "wrong" thinking; switching from negative thoughts/behaviors to positive thoughts/behavior; internalizing new personal relationship values; developing a winning "relationship formula"; reconnecting with your partner; and learning to maintain your relationship.

With all the help available today, most experts agree: There's no reason to resign yourself to a bad relationship.

found at: http://health.discovery.com/centers/loverelationships/articles/relationshipcounseling_02.html

Friday, January 11, 2008

Time to breathe in and let everything out

The official lyrics aren't posted anywhere at this time to this upcoming release by Sanctus Real (due out Feb. 08), but you can listen to the entire song and part of the interview on the Air1 Morning Show page - click on "Interviews" (Sanctus Real - Oct 07). 10/29/07
Air1 Morning Show--http://www.air1.com/Connect/MorningShow.aspx

Working title: "whatever you're doing"
By Sanctus Real

"It's time for healing
Time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long.
Time to make right
What has been wrong,
It's time to find my way to where I belong.
There's a wave that's crashing over me
And all I can do is surrender.

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but somehow there's peace
And it's hard to surrender to what I can’t see
But I’m giving in to something heavenly.

Its time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Re-evaluate who I really am.
Am I doing everything to follow your will?
Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills?
Oh, show me what it is you want from me…
I'd give everything… I surrender…

To whatever you're doing
Inside of me
Oh it feels like chaos but somehow there's peace.
And it's hard to surrender to what I can't see,
But I'm giving in to something heavenly…
Something heavenly.

It's time to face up,
Clean this old house,
time to breathe in and let everything out…
…that I've wanted to say for so many years,
time to release all my held back tears.

Whatever you're doing inside of me,
Oh it feels like chaos but I believe,
That you're up to something bigger than me…
Larger than life…
something heavenly.

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos
But now I can see,
This is something bigger than me
Larger than life
Something heavenly…
Something heavenly.

Its time to face up,
Clean this old house,
Time to breathe in and let everything out…"



The above lyrics are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD (once it comes out) to support the artist.





Saturday, December 22, 2007

What are irrational beliefs?

What are irrational beliefs?
Irrational beliefs are:
  • Messages about life we send to ourselves that keep us from growing emotionally.
  • Scripts we have in our head about how we believe life "should'' be for us and for others.
  • Unfounded attitudes, opinions, and values we hold to that are out of synchrony with the way the world really is.
  • Negative sets of habitual responses we hold to when faced with stressful events or situations.
  • Stereotypic ways of problem solving we fall into in order to deal with life's pressures.
  • Ideas, feelings, beliefs, ways of thinking, attitudes, opinions, biases, prejudices, or values with which we were raised. We have become accustomed to using them when faced with problems in our current life, even when they are not productive in helping us reach a positive, growth-enhancing solution.
  • Self-defeating ways of acting. On the surface they may look appropriate for the occasion, but actually they result in a neutral or negative consequence for us.
  • Habitual ways of thinking, feeling, or acting that we think are effective; however, in the long run they are ineffectual.
  • Counterproductive ways of thinking, which give comfort and security in the short run, but either do not resolve or actually exacerbate the problem in the long run.
  • Negative or pessimistic ways of looking at necessary life experiences such as loss, conflict, risk taking, rejection, or accepting change.
  • Overly optimistic or idealistic ways of looking at necessary life experiences such as loss, conflict, risk taking, rejection, or accepting change.
  • Emotional arguments for taking or not taking action in the face of a challenge. When followed they result in no personal gain, but rather in greater personal hardship or loss.
  • Patterns of thinking that make us appear to others as stubborn, bullheaded, intemperate, argumentative, or aloof.
  • Ways of thinking about ourselves that are out of context with the real facts, resulting in our either under-valuing or over-valuing ourselves.
  • Means by which we become confused about the intentions of others when we are enmeshed in interpersonal problems with them.
  • Lifelong messages sent to us either formally or informally by: society, culture, community, race, ethnic reference group, neighborhood, church, social networks, family, relatives, peer group, school, work, or parents. They are unproductive in solving our current problem or crisis, but we are either unwilling or unable to let go of them. These messages can be very clear to us or they can be hidden in our subconscious.
  • Conclusions about life that we have developed over time, living in an irrational environment not identified as being irrational (e.g., beliefs developed as a member of a high-stress family).
  • Standards by which we were reared and from which we learned how to act, what to believe, and how to express or experience feelings. When followed, however, these standards do not result in a satisfactory resolution of our current problems.
  • Unproductive, unrealistic expectations exacted on ourselves and/or others, guaranteed to be unattainable and to result in continuing negative self-concepts.
What are some examples of irrational beliefs?
Irrational beliefs (negative) about self:
  • I do not deserve positive attention from others.
  • I should never burden others with my problems or fears.
  • I am junk.
  • I am uncreative, nonproductive, ineffective, and untalented.
  • I am worthless.
  • I am the worst example on earth of a person.
  • I am powerless to solve my problems.
  • I have so many problems, I might as well give up right now.
  • I am so dumb about things, I can never solve anything as complex as this.
  • I am the ugliest, most unattractive, unappealing, fat slob in the world.
Irrational beliefs (negative) about others:
  • No one cares about anyone else.
  • All men (or women) are dishonest and are never to be trusted.
  • Successful relationships are a trick; you have no control over how they turn out.
  • People are out to get whatever they can from you; you always end up being used.
  • People are so opinionated; they are never willing to listen to other's points of view.
  • You are bound to get hurt in a relationship; it makes no difference how you try to change it.
  • There is a loser in every fight, so avoid fights at all costs.
  • All people are out for #1; you need to know you'll always be #2, no matter what.
  • It's not who you are but what you do that makes you attractive to another person.
  • What counts in life is others' opinions of you.
  • There is a need to be on guard in dealing with others to insure that you don't get hurt.
Irrational beliefs on other topics
  • There is only one way of doing things.
  • Work is the punishment man must endure for being human.
  • A family that plays (prays) together always stays together.
  • Always protecting against the forces of evil in life is the only way to live.
  • There are always two choices: right or wrong; black or white; win or lose; pass or fail; grow or stagnate.
  • Once you are married and have children, you join the normal human race.
  • A handicapped person is imperfect, to be pitied, and to be dropped along the path of life.
  • Admitting to a mistake or to failure is a sign of weakness.
  • The showing of any kind of emotion is wrong, a sign of weakness, and not allowable.
  • Asking for help from someone else is a way of admitting your weakness; it denies the reality that only you can solve your problems.
How can we recognize irrational beliefs?
Irrational beliefs can be present if we:
  • Find ourselves caught up in a vicious cycle in addressing our problems.
  • Find a continuing series of "catch 22's'' where every move we make to resolve a problem results in more or greater problems.
  • Have been suffering silently (or not so silently) with a problem for a long time, yet have not taken steps to get help to address the problem.
  • Have decided on a creative problem solving solution, yet find ourselves incapable of implementing the solution.
  • Have chosen a problem solving course of action to pursue and find that we are unhappy with this course of action; yet we choose to avoid looking for alternatives.
  • Are afraid of pursuing a certain course of action because of the guilt we will feel if we do it.
  • Find we are constantly obsessed with a problem yet take no steps to resolve it.
  • Find we are immobilized in the face of our problems.
  • Find that the only way to deal with problems is to avoid them, deny them, procrastinate about them, ignore them, run away from them, turn our back on them.
  • Find that we can argue both sides of our problem, becoming unable to make a decision.
  • What are the benefits of refuting our irrational beliefs?
  • By refuting our irrational beliefs we are able to:
  • Unblock our emotions and feelings about ourselves and our problems.
  • Become productive, realistic problem solvers.
  • Gain greater credibility with ourselves and others.
  • Gain clarity, purpose, and intention in addressing our current problems.
  • Reduce the fear of guilt or of hurting others in solving problems.
  • Identify the barriers and obstacles that must first be hurdled before our problems can be resolved.
  • Come to greater honesty about ourselves and our problems.
  • Put our problem into a realistic perspective as to its importance, magnitude, and probability of being solved.
  • Separate our feelings from the content of the problem.
  • Live richer, more authentic lives.
  • View our lives in a healthier perspective, with greater meaning and direction.
  • Gain our sense of humor in the presence of our problems and in their resolution.
  • Recognize our self-worth and self-goodness and separate it from the errors and mistakes we have made in our lives.
  • Forgive ourselves and others for mistakes made.
  • Give ourselves and others kindness, tenderness, and understanding during times of great stress.
  • Gain a sense of purpose and order in our lives as we solve problems.
  • Feel productive as we labor through the muck and mire of our problems.
  • Respect our rights and the rights of others as we solve problems.
  • Clarify our feelings about the behavior of others without the barrier of self-censorship or fear of rejection.
  • Gain a "win-win'' solution to problems, which involves ourselves with others. It opens us up to compromise.
Steps to take in refuting an irrational belief:
Step 1: Is your thinking and problem solving ability being blocked by an irrational belief? Consider a specific problem as you answer the following questions:

1. Am I going in circles in trying to solve this problem?
2. Is there something inside of me that is preventing or keeping me from taking the necessary actions in this matter?
3. Am I bothered by the thoughts of what I or others "should do, act like, think, or feel'' in this situation?
4. Do I find myself saying how this situation "should be," having a hard time facing it the way it really is?
5. Do I use fantasy or magical thinking in looking at this problem? Am I always hoping that by some miracle it will go away?
6. Am I burdened by the fear of what others think of me as I work on this problem?
7. Do I know what the solution is, but become paralyzed in its implementation?
8. Do I find myself using a lot of "yes but's'' in discussing this problem?
9. Do I find it easier to procrastinate, avoid, divert my attention, ignore, or run away from this problem?
10. Is this problem causing much distress and discomfort for me and/or others, and yet I remain stumped in trying to resolve it?

Step 2: If you have answered yes to any or all of the questions in Step 1, you are probably facing a problem or situation in which a blocking irrational belief is clouding your thinking. The next thing to do is to try to identify the blocking irrational belief.
Answer the following questions:

11. Is the blocking belief something I have believed in all my life?
12. Is the blocking belief coming from the teachings of my parents, church, family, peers, work, society, culture, community, race, ethnic reference group, or social network?
13. Is the blocking belief something that always recurs when I am trying to solve problems similar to this one?
14. Is the blocking belief something that has helped me solve problems successfully in the past?
15. Is the blocking belief one that tends to make me dishonest with myself about this problem?
16. Is the blocking belief an immobilizing concept that sparks fear of guilt or fear of rejection in my mind as I face this problem?
17. Is the blocking belief something that can be stated in a sentence or two?
18. Is the blocking belief a consistent statement as I face this problem, or does it tend to change as variables of this problem become more clear to me?
19. Is the blocking belief a tangible statement of belief or is it simply a feeling or intuition?
20. Can I state the blocking belief? If so, write it in your journal: My blocking belief is:

Step 3: Once you have identified the blocking belief in Step 2, test its rationality. Answer the following questions about the belief, ''yes'' or ''no.''

1. Is there any basis in reality to support this belief as always being true?
2. Does this belief encourage personal growth, emotional maturity, independence of thinking and action, and stable mental health?
3. Is this belief one which, if ascribed to, will help you overcome this or future problems in your life?
4. Is this belief one which, if ascribed to, will result in behavior that is self defeating for you?
5. Does this belief protect you and your rights as a person?
6. Does this belief assist you in connecting honestly and openly with others so that healthy, growth engendering interpersonal relationships result?
7. Does this belief assist you in being a creative, rational problem solver who is able to identify a series of alternatives from which you can choose your own personal priority solutions?
8. Does this belief stifle your thinking and problem solving ability to the point of immobilization?
9. When you tell others of this belief do they support you because that is the way everyone in your family, peer group, work, church, or community thinks?
10. Is this belief an absolute? Is it a black or white, yes or no, win or lose, no options in the middle type of belief?

Healthy answers are:
1-no 2-yes 3-yes 4-no 5-yes 6-yes 7-yes 8-no 9-no 10-no

If you are unable to give healthy answers to one or more question in Step 2, then your blocking belief is most likely irrational.

Step 4: Once you have determined that the blocking belief is irrational, you are ready to refute this irrational belief. Respond to the following questions:

1. How do I consistently feel when I think of this belief?
2. Is there anything in reality to support this belief as being true?
3. What in reality supports the lack of absolute truth in this belief?
4. Does the truth of this belief exist only in the way I talk, act, or feel about this problem?
5. What is the worst thing that could happen to me if I do not hold on to this belief?
6. What positive things might happen to me if I do not hold on to this belief?
7. What would be an appropriate, realistic belief I could substitute for this irrational belief?
8. How would I feel if I substituted this new belief for my blocking belief?
9. How will I grow and how will my rights and the rights of others be protected by this substitute belief?
10. What is keeping me from accepting this alternate belief?
11. Once you have answered these questions, substitute a rational belief and act on it.

Wisdom discovered at www.coping.org

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

When does it become abuse?

When do behaviors become abusive? Oregon uses the term "battering." What is battering? Battering is a pattern of behavior used to establish power and control over another person through fear and intimidation. Battering is a pattern of living in which one person (usually the man) uses violence or other abusive behavior to control and maintain power over a partner or other family members. Battering happens when one person believes that they are entitled to control another.

For purposes of OAR 137-087-0000 through 137-087-0100, the following terms have the meanings set forth below.
(1)"Batterer" means:
(a) An adult male 18 years of age or older who engages in "battering" against women; or
(b) A male minor criminally convicted as an adult of conduct against women that constitutes "battering" in whole or in part.
(2)"Battering" includes but is not limited to physical violence, sexual violence, threats, isolation, emotional and psychological intimidation, verbal abuse, stalking, economic abuse, or other controlling behaviors against women in, but not limited to, the following relationships:
(a) A current or former spouse of the batterer;
(b) An unmarried parent of a child fathered by the batterer;
(c) A woman who is cohabiting with or has cohabited with the batterer;
(d) A woman who has been involved in a sexually intimate relationship with the batterer within the past two years;
(e) A woman who has a dating relationship with the batterer;
(f) An adult woman related by blood, marriage or adoption to the batterer; or
(g) A woman who relies on the batterer for ongoing personal care assistance.
"Battering" may or may not violate criminal law and in most instances is patterned behavior.
(10) "Victim" means a female, including a past or present partner, subjected to battering. A victim may be under the age of 18. In no event shall the batterer be considered a victim for purposes of these rules.

Victims of abuse may experience punched walls, control of finances, lying, using children to manipulate a parent's emotions, intimidation, isolation from family and friends, fear, shame, criticism, crying and afraid children, broken bones, confusion, forced sexual contact, manipulation, sexist comments, yelling, rages, craziness, harassment, neglect, shoving, screaming, jealousy and possessiveness, loss of self esteem, coercion, slammed doors, abandonment, silent treatment, rape, destruction of personal property, unwanted touching, name calling, strangling, slapping, biting, kicking, bruises, punching, stalking, scrapes, depression, sabotaging attendance at job or school, brainwashing, violence to pets, pinching, deprivation of physical and economic resources, public humiliation, broken promises, prevention of seeking medical and dental care, ridicule, restraining, self-medication, forced tickling, threats to harm family and friends, threats to take away the children, threats of being kicked out, threats of weapons, threats of being killed (ncadv.org/learn/TheProblem_100.html).

Below are more specifics about the many forms of "Battering":

Physical Abuse:
Shoving, slapping, kicking, punching, tripping, choking, raping, burning, shooting, stabbing, hair-pulling, arm-twisting, physical restraint, physical confinement.

That first category is primarily what people think of when they hear the word "abusive" or "battering. " But the below categories are also battering, and in many ways, more devastating than the overt physical abuse.

Spiritual Abuse:
Selectively using scripture to change or enforce behavior. Intentionally misusing scripture to force compliance. Ridiculing another’s beliefs. Spiritually putting one’s self above another. Using religious beliefs as the authority behind threats and punishment.

Emotional Abuse:
Criticizing her, shouting at her, swearing at her, putting down her opinions, blaming or shaming her, making her think she's crazy, making her feel stupid, treating her like a servant, accusing her unjustly, embarrassing her, withholding encouragement or affection, bringing up past mistakes, flirting openly, not discussing events that damage the relationship.

Economic Abuse:
Trying to keep her from getting or keeping a job, keep her from furthering her education, making her ask for money, taking any money she earns, withholding child support, not letting her know about or have access to family income, not including her in the financial decision for the family.

Intimidation:
Creating fear by using threatening looks or gestures, bullying her by using a loud voice, scaring her by breaking glass, breaking the dishes, kicking a door, destroying her possessions (property abuse-which sends the message “it could have been you”), displaying a weapon, angrily rushing toward her during an argument. Stalking.

Isolation:
Controlling what she does, whom she sees, whom she talks to, what she reads or where she goes; refusing to let her see family or friends; monitoring her phone calls, mileage, clothing or make-up; hiding the car keys so she cannot leave.

Sexual Abuse:
Making her perform sexual acts against her will, attacking the sexual parts of her body, treating her as if she were an object only for sex, forcing her to view pornography, withholding sex to express anger, demanding sex after violence or abuse, harassing her for sexual acts that she objects to performing.

Using the Children:
Harming or threatening to harm the children, using visitation or custody to harass her, threatening to take the children away, putting the children in the middle.

Making Threats:
Threatening to hurt her, threatening to destroy her belongings if she leaves, threatening to commit suicide, threatening to report her to police, welfare, etc.

All of these are tools used by the batterer to achieve and maintain power and control over others. The only way for the a person to change their abusive patters if to become accountable and self-responsible, realizing and internalizing that they cannot control another-they can only control themselves.


Tuesday, December 4, 2007

But giving up would cost me everything

Invaluable reminders in this lyric of how important it is to hang on and hope even when we want to give up...

"How long will my prayers seem unanswered?

Is there still faith in me to reach the end?
I'm feeling doubt I'm losing faith
But giving up would cost me everything
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night.

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe

Though I can't see my stories ending
That doesn't mean the dark night has no end
It's only here that I find faith
And learn to trust the one who writes my days
So I'll stand in the pain and silence
And I'll speak to the dark night.

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe.
No dark can consume Light
No death greater than this life
We are not forgotten
Hope is found when we say,
Even when He is silent,

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe. "

The above lyrics "I Believe in Love" by BarlowGirl, are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.