It's Not OK

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where every fiber of your being knows that what is happening to you is not OK, and that you are not alright? I'd venture to say most of us have. Sometimes the best thing I can say to another is: no, that is not OK and no, you are not insane.

"I'm Not Alright"

"If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of
Then 'cool' is just how far we have to fall...
I am not immune, I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall.

Can I lose my need impress?
If you want the truth I need to confess

I'm not alright, I'm broken inside
And all I go through, it leads me to you

Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness

Until everything I hide behind is gone
And when I'm open wide with nothing left to cling to
Only you are there to lead me on.

Honestly, I'm not that strong."

(Sanctus Real)

mental health

Loved ones with Depression

It is widely reported that mental illness may strike one in four individuals. However, the reality is that it affects us all! We all have contact with individuals who struggle with mental health challenges.
How can you help a loved one who may suffer from depression? Empathy, love, support--even humor.
I will share a link here with some food for thought on this important topic.

“Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons but one out of one.”
(Dr. William Menninger)

  mental health

Alumni page on Facebook for LaSalle University in Mandeville, LA.

Breathing and Noticing

Breathing and Noticing... this is something I heard an instructor recommend at a training I attended once. It was actually a mindfulness technique that I believed I could utilize in my own life.
Below I am posting a very useful article from PsychCentral with some further calming techniques for a distressed mind. And who couldn't use a little more calming in this crazy world?

Calming Your Distressed Mind

by Elisha Goldstein, Ph.D.

Sometimes in life it’s helpful to have signposts that we can see to help bring us back to the present moment and reinforce a certain way of being that we aspire to. Just like signs on the road may help remind us to slow down or children crossing, we can use short verses in our day to day to remind us to be how we want to be.

Check for auto-pilot reaction before moving on: Take a moment to check in with any judgments that might be arising right now. For example, “short verses? Is he nuts? How could that ever help me?” or “What is this, an affirmation, those never work.” Or “why am I even continuing to read this?” If anything like this arises, this is normal, just take a moment to notice the automatic judgment, let it be, take a breath to help ground to the here and now and then gently continue on with the next paragraph.

Acclaimed author, teacher, and Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh uses short phrases all the time to support himself in being more present, grounded, and aware in daily life. He has taught this practice to medical professionals, Psychologists, and students for many years now. He teaches the practices of walking and/or breathing and using these phrases to support us in calming our distressed minds and being more present to every day life.

For example,

• You may take three steps while breathing in and say “Breathing in, I calm my body” and then with the following three steps “Breathing out, I relax.” You can then shorten this to saying “calm” as you breathe in, and “relax” as you breathe out.
• “Breathing in, I notice the colors all around me, breathing out, I smile.” Then shorten to “Breathing in, colors, breathing out, smile.” Even if we don’t feel like smiling, the simple act of doing a half-smile sometimes can change the tension in our faces, which in turn affects our mood.
• “Breathing in, I have arrived, breathing out, I am home.” Then shorten too “Breathing in, arrived, breathing out, home.” Have you ever had the experience where you were rushing home to relax. It doesn’t make sense and isn’t effective is calming the nervous system. Sometimes reminding ourselves that we have arrived to the present moment already and that we are home can help calm an anxious mind. We can then slow down and get home a few minutes later in a more collected and relaxed state.
• “Breathing in, I wash my hands, breathing out, may I use them wisely throughout the day.” Shorten to, “Breathing in, washing, breathing out, wise hands.” This practice can not only bring appreciation to one of the unsung heroes of our bodies, our hands, but also reinforce the idea of being aware of all they do during the day and being more mindful with them. This cultivation of appreciation can support us in feeling well.

These are just some examples; you can make up your own that fit for you. You can do this while walking or just sitting and breathing. And of course, most important of all, don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself. If it’s not for you, cast it aside, but give it a shot. Pay attention to how you are feeling physically, emotionally, and mentally before doing it and then again after you do it for a few breaths.

mental health

counseling

community

Relationship red flags

I found this excellent article written by Cynthia McKenna at http://www.counseling.typepad.com/

When we want a relationship to work, it is normal to try to overlook faults and habits that annoy us, because after all, we all have flaws.

I have met many people, women and men, who are in a lot of emotional pain because they have "tried to overlook" a problem in the name of trying to get along. So how are you supposed to know what is okay and what is not?

Here are 5 tips to help you identify true red flags:

1. If the issue or problem violates who you are or your core values - do not overlook this.

2. If the problem puts you in emotional or physical danger, do not ignore it.

3. If the issue puts your children at risk, you have to take action. I am not just talking about the risk of abuse or neglect - both terribly important issues and hopefully the need for action is clear. I am also talking about risk of your children losing their self-esteem. Sometimes, adults can act in ways that damage children's spirits - their souls. Even if your child says he or she is "okay" and has "forgiven" the transgression, it is a parent's job to protect their children. People do make mistakes, but if your son or daughter is consistently picked-on by adults or siblings, it is your responsibility to notice and help resolve the situation.

4. If there are addictions that are not being treated or addressed through counseling or 12-step programs, trouble is ahead. Addictions develop because there is deep pain. The person with the pain tries to cover it up with drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, etc. Sometimes, this covering-up is a conscious decision, sometimes it is not. However, all addictive behavior should be a red flag.

5. If your intuition tells you that something is wrong or even if you get the sense that things, "aren't right," you should listen to your internal wisdom. Intuition is truly a gift, an internal way of knowing what is good and what is not - we do ourselves a huge favor by listening to our own inner-knowing.

and a bonus tip :)

6. If you are waiting and hoping that the person will change, you might have a long wait. No one likes to change, and change frequently requires great effort and focus. It is reasonable to ask yourself, "What if this behavior does NOT change, am I willing to live with it for the next 20 years?"

Mental Health Tip of the Week: Are you "burnt out" on giving?

• Do you spend most your time and energy taking care of other people?
• Do you find you have little or no energy left to take care of yourself?
• Do you sacrifice your needs in order to meet others' needs?
• Do you feel it is your duty to always put others first?
• Do you feel guilty when, at times, you resent your role as a caretaker?

How to Care for Yourself While Caring for Others:

It's easy to forget about your own needs when you are a caregiver. But doing that takes a toll on your health.

Here are some caregiver support tips to help you stay healthy and reduce your stress while you’re caring for someone else.

• Accept your own limits. As a caregiver, you don’t have to do it all, and you shouldn’t try. Admit when you feel overwhelmed, and ask for help.
• Create a caregiver support team. Before you can ask for help, you need to know who you can ask. Plan ahead for times when you'll need help by making a list of people who are willing to help you with caregiver support. Family members, friends and professionals may give you a break or help out when you can't be there.
• Schedule time for yourself. Don't forget to schedule time for activities you enjoy. There are more important things than doing the laundry, and caregiver support is one of them.

Remember, this is about staying healthy in mind and body, so you need to make time to have fun now and then.

Make your own health your first priority. This may sound selfish, but it’s not. Being a caregiver is a big job, and the only way you can provide the caregiving your loved one needs is to make sure you stay healthy.

The kind of stress you’re trying to manage every day can easily lead to depression; staying fit and healthy can help you cope, reduce stress, and make it easier to get through tough days when they come.

Caregiver Burnout:

This is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that may be accompanied by a change in attitude -- from positive and caring to negative and unconcerned. Burnout can occur when caregivers don't get the help they need, or if they try to do more than they are able -- either physically or financially. Caregivers who are "burned out" may experience fatigue, stress, anxiety, and depression. Many caregivers also feel guilty if they spend time on themselves rather than on the ones they aim to help.

Signs of Caregiver Burnout:

The signs of burnout can present themselves in many ways, such as :

• Changes in Sleep Pattern. Sleeping too often, too little, or interrupted sleep can often signal caregiver stress or burnout.
• Changes in Appetite. Take notice of any change of appetite, like eating more or less. This can result in weight loss and weight gain. Eating healthy can provide the much-needed energy to provide quality care.
• Exhaustion. Feeling fatigued is often one of first burnout symptoms people experience. If exhaustion prevents you from completing basic daily activities or is persistent, see your doctor.
• Withdrawing from Friends and Family. Caregivers suffering from burnout often withdraw from friends, family, and social activities.
• Feeling Overly Emotional. Crying at the drop of that hat or feeling angry for no reason are important signs of burnout. Displaced anger can often occur during burnout.

When a person develops a mental illness, family members and others have the power to influence the recovery process favorably or otherwise.

While getting enough exercise, sleep and nourishing food is a good idea if you want to maintain health, there's more to self-care when a loved one is sick.

"Most people feel selfish meeting their own needs," Heinssen (clinical psychologist) said, "so, they keep doing and doing, neglecting their own needs, until eventually they burn out. No one benefits, especially not the patient. But 'selfishness' and 'healthy self-interest' are not the same."

Dealing with illness and its different stages brings on challenges and pulls on many different emotions, both for the individual and for the family members who are dedicated to caring for them; it's important to know how best to regulate these feelings.

"Significant others can either bolster a person's ability to tolerate the stress of an illness or can contribute to the worsening of symptoms," Heinssen said. "When we don't take care of our own needs, we're more likely to become irritable, short-tempered, judgmental, resentful--which can have a negative impact on the person who's struggling to get better."

Studies show that supportive, flexible and enduring relationships can "facilitate a person's stability and recovery." Therefore it is of the utmost importance to the well-being of those we care for that we first and foremost take care of ourselves.

Adapted from various sources:
http://about.com/od/healthnutrition/a/caregivertips_2.htm
National Institute of Mental Health
http://www.4therapy.com

mental health

selah

Mental Health Tip of the Week: "Boundaries for Beginners"

There is much to be read on "boundaries" out there. This will just be a "boundaries for beginners" overview.
Learning how to set boundaries is a vital part of learning to own yourself, of learning to respect yourself, of learning to love yourself. If you never have to set a boundary, then you will never get in touch with who you really are--will never learn to define yourself in a healthy way. We all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. Boundaries are healthy and are not necessarily "barriers" but bridges toward healthy interaction between individuals.

There are basically three parts to a boundary. The first two are setting the boundary - the third is what you will do to defend that boundary.

1. Part 1: "If you" - Is a description of the behavior you find unacceptable (being as descriptive as possible).
2. Part 2: "I will" - Is a description of what action you will take to protect and take care of yourself in the event the other person violates the boundary.
3. Part 3: "If you continue this behavior I will" - Is a description of what steps you will take to protect the boundary that you have set.

If you set boundaries and do not enforce them, it gives the other person an excuse to continue with the same old behavior.

• Setting a boundary is not making a threat - it is communicating clearly what the consequences will be if the other person continues to treat us in an unacceptable manner. It is a consequence of the other person's behavior.
• Setting a boundary is not an attempt to control the other person - although some of the people who you set boundaries with will certainly accuse you of that - just as some will interpret it as a threat. Setting a boundary is a part of the process of defining yourself and what is acceptable to you. It is a major step in taking what control you can of how you allow others to treat you.
• Setting a boundary is not a more sophisticated way of manipulation - although some people will say they are setting boundaries, when in fact they are attempting to manipulate. The difference between setting a boundary in a good healthy way and manipulating is this: When you set a boundary you let go of the outcome.
• Setting boundaries reflects your right to say "NO" to those things that aren't right for you.

Be ready, you'll likely be tested when you set boundaries!

Setting boundaries means that you are taking responsibility, being adult and expecting equality and respect in a relationship.


mental health