Calculating your worth

In this world of crumbling financial markets, rising unemployment and uncertainty how does one calculate their worth? Well, the "calculations" start pretty young in our lives. Conditions of worth are placed upon us by family, friends, school, church, etc.
What are conditions of worth? They are pretty much like what they sound like--conditions that must be met in order for us to be loved or accepted ("worthy") by a certain person or group of people. What about expectations? Don't we all need to be able to live up to certain basic standards in this world? Yes. That is something very different.
Expectations of being are not the same as conditions of worth. An expectation of being could be a dress code, honoring traffic laws, fulfilling job requirements, etc. Expectations of being are more about behavior and things we all need to do in order to be good citizens, good students (Setting expectations for a student to do their personal best is much different than being disappointed in your student if they do not maintain "straight 'A's'."), good family members, good employees.
Conditions of worth go deeper than that and take things to an unrealistic level. What do conditions of worth look like? I imagine that anyone out there reading this could offer a list of some conditions of worth that were placed on them growing up, as a teen, even continuing on into adult life. How about only being loved or accepted if you maintain a certain weight, hair length, wear certain type clothes or shoes, make a certain amount of money, drive a certain type of car, maintain a certain standing in the company? Does any of that sound familiar in your life? If it does then you have been experiencing being accepted or loved or judged by conditions of worth. These are damaging to our sense of self-worth and identity... often leaving individuals feeling "less than."
How do you calculate your worth? Or the worth of those in your life? Here are some thoughts on a deeper source of worth... the experience of being loved unconditionally either by another person or by your Higher Power really is like no other in this life!

This song below touches quite effectively on this theme of conditions of worth:

"Is it any wonder

That she would feel less than real

When she reveals what is clearer

In her mirror

Take a look around her

Magazines, glamor queens

Waist-line dreams in her diary

So inspiring

Nobody told her that little girls

Don't have to have the softest curls for love

So whatever's left inside her

Is gonna smile wider, shine brighter

Until she gets pulled under

Is it any wonder?

Is it any wonder

That he's obsessed with what is best

And nothing less... he's a hero

With six zeros

Take a look around him

His wallet size and what he drives

Will symbolize how he's made it

How they'll grade it

Nobody told him that little boys

Don't have to have the fastest toys to win

So whatever's left inside him

Is gonna keep on tryin' to keep on buyin'

Until he gets pulled under

Is it any wonder?

Will somebody tell her there's a

love that can't be glamorized

Tell him there's a hope that won't be downsized

Someone tell them that the billboards lie

All the time

'Cause whatever's left inside her

Is gonna smile wider

And whatever's left inside him

Is gonna keep on tryin'

Until they get pulled under

Is it any wonder?"

Nichole Nordeman - Is It Any Wonder

mental health

counseling

spirituality

community

broken AND used!

I was reading a friend's blog today, and her post reminded me of my thoughts on the subject of being a cracked pot.

I used to believe that I had to be perfect. I somehow internalized the idea that it was my responsibility to keep myself polished and pristine--free of flaws. I don't know if I was taught this at home or at church or if it was the "first born" in me. However, much to my dismay that goal was just not possible to achieve--let alone maintain!
Once reality had hit me square between the eyes, I found myself cracked and scratched up with the paint chipped. I had believed that if I was no longer "perfect" (what a myth that anyone could even be perfect) I was relegated to the shelf in the back room... basically discarded. And there I stayed--for a while. Have you ever been there?

But thankfully, after a time of healing (the healing is ever an ongoing journey not a destination)--including gracious and wise interventions, I discovered that I could still be valuable in spite of the fact I am broken and cracked. And in fact, it seems as if it is because I am cracked that The Light shines out from inside of me to those around me all the more effectively.
Broken AND used... imagine that!
Plus, it is my brokenness that has given me wheelbarrow loads full of compassion and empathy for individuals from all walks of life as well as from many and varied backgrounds.
I'll end this post with a thought provoking quote (which could very well spark another post topic at some point).

"If we're all cracked pots,
then why are most of us walking around
with hammers
instead of glue?"

mental health

counseling

spirituality

community

Song of the Week: Crazy Beautiful

Crazy Beautiful

"Everybody's been there everyone's the same
but mostly we don't care isn't that a shame
We bring us down face after face
the inside is beautiful but the outside we want to change.
We want to change.
Whoa you’re oh so beautiful, you don't need anyone's approval
You've got to believe in your self you know you are
You're crazy beautiful
Well every new year you say your gonna change
There's no need to change
We're different but the same
In the eyes of the King
We're beautifully made
In his image we're made
Whoa you're oh so beautiful, you don't need anyone's approval
You've got to believe in your self, you know you are
You're crazy beautiful
Take a look it’s all around you
See the world from different views
The way you shine from the inside
I know with out a doubt
It’s more than what you'll be
In the world's eyes.
Whoa you’re oh so beautiful, you don’t need anyone's a approval
You've got to believe in your self you know you are

You're crazy beautiful."

The above lyrics "Crazy Beautiful" by Chasen, are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.

selah

music therapy

Song of the Week: on Self-Worth!

"Imperfection" by Skillet, www.myspace.com/skilletmusic

"You're worth so much
It'll never be enough
To see what you have to give
How beautiful you are
Yet seem so far from everything
You're wanting to be
You're wanting to be

Tears falling down again
Tears falling down

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you're drowning
In your imperfection

You mean so much
That heaven would touch
The face of humankind for you
How special you are
Revel in your day
You're fearfully and wonderfully made
You're wonderfully made

Tears falling down again
Come let the healing begin

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you're drowning
In your imperfection

You're worth so much
So easily crushed
Wanna be like everyone else
No one escapes
Every breath we take
Dealing with our own skeletons, skeletons

You fall to your knees
You beg, you plead
Can I be somebody else
For all the times I hate myself?
Your failures devour your heart
In every hour, you're drowning
In your imperfection

Won't you believe, yeah
Won't you believe, yeah
All the things I see in you

You're not the only one
You're not the only one
Drowning in imperfection."

(lyrics © by the artist & used for educational purposes only)

selah

Mental Health Tip of the Week: Self-empowerment

• When you look outside yourself for self-definition and self-worth, you are giving your power away and setting yourself up to be a victim. Society has trained you to be victim. You have been taught to give your power away.
• As just one small example of how pervasively you were trained to be a victim, consider how often you have said, or heard someone say, "I have to go to work tomorrow." When a person says "I have to" they are making a victim statement. To say, "I have to get up, and I have to go to work," is a lie. No one forces an adult to get up and go to work. The truth is "I choose to get up and I choose to go to work today, because I choose to not have the consequences of not working."
• To say "I choose" is not only the truth, it is empowering and acknowledges an act of self-love. When we "have to" do something we feel like a victim. And because we feel victimized, we will then be angry, and want to punish whomever we see as forcing us do something we do not want to do.
• We always have a choice. The choice may sometimes seem to be awful - but in reality, allowing ourselves to buy into the illusion that we are trapped will have far worse consequences in the long run.
  
  mental health