Breaking Free! Getting UN-stuck...

Why do we stay "stuck" where we are in certain areas of our lives? Why is it that we talk about change, but but just can't seem to put drive behind our desire? This article contains five ideas to help the "shift" (from desire to action) happen, plus much more excellent information. Read on, click below!

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mental health

selah

Is "clean and sober" enough?

Is "clean and sober" enough? ...I had previously thought so!
There are countless areas of our lives that we can "clean up"-sometimes for extended periods of time.
Someone recently said to me that almost any "addict" can become "sober" (or pull off "abstinence" for a period of time), but it is NOT the same thing as "recovery."
The concept of "abstinence" and "recovery" do NOT apply only to addiction to alcohol-but also sexual addiction, addiction to drugs, food, smoking... you name it.
If we discover that something has control over us, and we can only maintain periods of control over "IT"... then it is a possibility that we have become good at "abstinence" (cleaning up) and yet not have ever truly started the life long, lifestyle changing process of "recovery."

I found a little bit of information on the distinction between "abstinence" and "recovery" below (I am sure there is a lot more on the web about this topic). This information is specific to alcohol- however, any addiction could well be substituted.
NOTE how many differences there are between the outlook of an individual who is toughing out "abstinence" and the person who is walking through "recovery."
{Leave your anonymous vote in the "what's your poison" poll in sidebar to the right...}

http://www.alcoholanddrugabuse.com/

"Abstinence from alcohol & drug use on the one hand and recovery from alcoholism & addiction on the other represent two very different states. Sometimes the boundaries between the two become blurred, but they're definitely there. Read on...

Some alcoholics and addicts become ABSTINENT but do _not_ enter recovery.
Abstinent, but not recovering, alcoholics (and addicts) show the following attitudes and behaviors:

• They maintain abstinence from alcohol and drugs because to drink and/or use again would most likely cause more problems.
• They don't enjoy being sober and clean, miss getting high, and feel disappointed in or angry about being abstinent.
• They maintain abstinence through will-power and believe that strong will-power is adequate for continued abstinence.
• They would like to drink and/or use again and would do so if reasonably sure that prior problems would not recur.

Some alcoholics and addicts are not only abstinent but also in RECOVERY.
Recovering alcoholics and addicts show the following attitudes and behaviors:

• They maintain abstinence from alcohol and drugs because to drink and/or use again would compromise the quality of life found in sobriety.
• They enjoy being sober and clean and feel grateful for sobriety.
• They utilize resources instead of or in addition to will-power to maintain sobriety and to learn healthier ways to think, feel, and act.
• They have no desire to drink or use again and would not do so even if reasonably sure that problems would not recur.

The bottom line is this:

Make no bones about it; moving out of alcoholism & addiction, through abstinence, and into recovery does not happen by accident or by magic. It requires time, patience, and above all - action."



mental health

selah

Song of the Week: The Last Night

"The Last Night" by SKILLET on "Comatose"
http://www.myspace.com/skilletmusic

"You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine
But I know it's a lie.

[Chorus:]
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.

Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie.

[Chorus]

The last night away from me

[Bridge:]
The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on
...tonight

[Chorus]

I won't let you say goodbye,
I'll be your reason why.

The last night away from me,
Away from me."

The above lyrics are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.

mental health

selah

Mental Health Tip of the Week: Are you "burnt out" on giving?

• Do you spend most your time and energy taking care of other people?
• Do you find you have little or no energy left to take care of yourself?
• Do you sacrifice your needs in order to meet others' needs?
• Do you feel it is your duty to always put others first?
• Do you feel guilty when, at times, you resent your role as a caretaker?

How to Care for Yourself While Caring for Others:

It's easy to forget about your own needs when you are a caregiver. But doing that takes a toll on your health.

Here are some caregiver support tips to help you stay healthy and reduce your stress while you’re caring for someone else.

• Accept your own limits. As a caregiver, you don’t have to do it all, and you shouldn’t try. Admit when you feel overwhelmed, and ask for help.
• Create a caregiver support team. Before you can ask for help, you need to know who you can ask. Plan ahead for times when you'll need help by making a list of people who are willing to help you with caregiver support. Family members, friends and professionals may give you a break or help out when you can't be there.
• Schedule time for yourself. Don't forget to schedule time for activities you enjoy. There are more important things than doing the laundry, and caregiver support is one of them.

Remember, this is about staying healthy in mind and body, so you need to make time to have fun now and then.

Make your own health your first priority. This may sound selfish, but it’s not. Being a caregiver is a big job, and the only way you can provide the caregiving your loved one needs is to make sure you stay healthy.

The kind of stress you’re trying to manage every day can easily lead to depression; staying fit and healthy can help you cope, reduce stress, and make it easier to get through tough days when they come.

Caregiver Burnout:

This is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that may be accompanied by a change in attitude -- from positive and caring to negative and unconcerned. Burnout can occur when caregivers don't get the help they need, or if they try to do more than they are able -- either physically or financially. Caregivers who are "burned out" may experience fatigue, stress, anxiety, and depression. Many caregivers also feel guilty if they spend time on themselves rather than on the ones they aim to help.

Signs of Caregiver Burnout:

The signs of burnout can present themselves in many ways, such as :

• Changes in Sleep Pattern. Sleeping too often, too little, or interrupted sleep can often signal caregiver stress or burnout.
• Changes in Appetite. Take notice of any change of appetite, like eating more or less. This can result in weight loss and weight gain. Eating healthy can provide the much-needed energy to provide quality care.
• Exhaustion. Feeling fatigued is often one of first burnout symptoms people experience. If exhaustion prevents you from completing basic daily activities or is persistent, see your doctor.
• Withdrawing from Friends and Family. Caregivers suffering from burnout often withdraw from friends, family, and social activities.
• Feeling Overly Emotional. Crying at the drop of that hat or feeling angry for no reason are important signs of burnout. Displaced anger can often occur during burnout.

When a person develops a mental illness, family members and others have the power to influence the recovery process favorably or otherwise.

While getting enough exercise, sleep and nourishing food is a good idea if you want to maintain health, there's more to self-care when a loved one is sick.

"Most people feel selfish meeting their own needs," Heinssen (clinical psychologist) said, "so, they keep doing and doing, neglecting their own needs, until eventually they burn out. No one benefits, especially not the patient. But 'selfishness' and 'healthy self-interest' are not the same."

Dealing with illness and its different stages brings on challenges and pulls on many different emotions, both for the individual and for the family members who are dedicated to caring for them; it's important to know how best to regulate these feelings.

"Significant others can either bolster a person's ability to tolerate the stress of an illness or can contribute to the worsening of symptoms," Heinssen said. "When we don't take care of our own needs, we're more likely to become irritable, short-tempered, judgmental, resentful--which can have a negative impact on the person who's struggling to get better."

Studies show that supportive, flexible and enduring relationships can "facilitate a person's stability and recovery." Therefore it is of the utmost importance to the well-being of those we care for that we first and foremost take care of ourselves.

Adapted from various sources:
http://about.com/od/healthnutrition/a/caregivertips_2.htm
National Institute of Mental Health
http://www.4therapy.com

mental health

selah

How to Let Go of Guilt and Learn to Forgive

"We have all done things that we are not proud of. ...These sorts of past actions can leave us feeling ashamed & guilty, & we can end up carrying our guilt for years. Guilt is probably one of the most debilitating & negative emotions there is ... But if we want to live happy lives, we need to deal with... and not allow..." (Story copywrited by Theun Mares) Brief excerpt, full story by following the "read more" link.

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mental health

selah

Song of the Week: Maybe...

"I'm trying to work things out
I'm trying to comprehend
Am I the chance result
Of some great accident.
I hear a rhythm call me
The echo of a grand design,
I spend each night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars in the sky.

I have another meeting today
With my new counselor
My mom will cry and say
'I don't know what to do with her.
She's so unresponsive
I just cannot break through
She spends all night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars and the moon.'

They have a chart and a graph
Of my despondency
They want to chart a path
For self-recovery.
And want to know what I'm thinking
What motivates my mood
To spend all night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars and the moon.

Maybe this was made for me
For lying on my back in the middle of a field,
Maybe that's a selfish thought
Or maybe there's a loving God.

Maybe I was made this way
To think and to reason and to question and to pray...
And I have never prayed a lot
But maybe there's a loving God.

And that may be a foolish thought
Or maybe there is a God...
And I have never prayed a lot...
But maybe there's a loving God."

Song by Sara Groves, from the CD "All Right Here." The above lyrics are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.


selah

music therapy

What To Do When It Hurts

The blog that this particular article is found on ("Finding your marbles: A mental health survival guide") appears to already be a well traveled and well commented blog, but this article on "what to do when it hurts" is very good, and I felt it deserved an extra "digg." Definitely worth reading! Click and read on for yourself. "Selah"...
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Song of the Week: Freedom to Feel

Freedom to Feel, by John Reuben
http://www.myspace.com/johnreuben

"Step away
Keep your distance
I can't be what you want me to be.
But right now there are things inside I don't want you to see
So take your personal spotlight
Shine it on someone else for a while
I can't force a happy face or makeshift you a smile.
I can't deny what I see, what I feel or what's in front of me
So take your world of precious moments of make-believe
They never made me believe in anything
But left me with nothing to hold on to.
Your quick fix and magic tricks can only disguise what I was going through
And now I'm thinkin' it was when it wasn't
And now I'm tryin' to rationalize what just doesn't
Come together and somehow doesn't make sense
But God, how can I convince them when I'm not even convinced?

Everyone is thinkin' it, but nobody's sayin' it
Everyone's sayin' it, but nobody's feeling it
Everyone's feeling it, but nobody's seein' it
So how am I supposed to know what's real?

False sense of happiness
My security wrapped up in this
These control freaks seek out who they can brainwash and make activists.
They'd rather have me lie than bring my failure to the light
Keep your secrets to yourself
It's not about you but them lookin' right.
No time to be ugly
Don't trouble them with your doubt and fears
Shout for joy little boys and girls
You brokenness ain't welcome here.
Well excuse me while I bleed through and my life becomes see-through
Don't ask for transparency but reject what you seein' too.

Everyone is thinkin' it, but nobody's sayin' it
Everyone is sayin' it, but nobody's feelin' it
Everyone is feelin' it, but nobody is seein' it
So tell me, how am I supposed to know what's real?

Everyone is thinkin' it
Everyone is feelin' it
But nobody is seeing it
And how
Am I supposed to feel?
How am I supposed to know what's real?

So please
Can somebody tell me how am I supposed to know what's real
When I was told and controlled how to feel?
You tell me now, how am I supposed to know what's real
When I was told and controlled how to feel?
Jesus, please tell me
How are they gonna know you're real
When we're told and controlled how to feel?
Jesus, tell me please
How are they gonna know you're real
When they're controlled and told how to feel?
You tell me
How am I supposed to know what's real
When I was told and controlled how to feel?
You tell me please, God
How are they gonna know that you're real
When they're told and controlled how to feel?
You tell me please
How am I supposed to know what's real?
How are they supposed to know what's real?
How are you and I supposed to know?

Freedom to feel

How am I supposed to feel?
How am I supposed to know what's real?"

The above lyrics are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.



selah

music therapy

Mental Health Tip of the Week: What am I willing to give up?

Recently we discussed personal power. Personal power is demonstrated by the willingness to let go of personal choices that have been interfering with your ability to meet your needs. What are you willing to let go of in order to gain personal power and satisfy your needs?

Are you willing to let go of the following in order to meet your need for self-esteem?

• Wanting or demanding that others approve of you
• Wanting to be perfect
• Having to win
• Minimizing the importance of your feelings and opinions
• Disliking yourself

Are you willing to let go of the following in order to meet your need for understanding?

• Wanting to be right
• A lack of interest in any other person's point of view
• Ignoring the facts in forming your opinions
• Making hasty judgments about the behavior of others
• Believing others are out to get you

Are you willing to let go of the following in order to meet your need for emotional security?

• Fearing others
• Fearing the opinions of others
• Continually disregarding your rights in favor of the rights of others (occasionally this is necessary on everyone's part, the issue is when it is continually)
• Believing your personal value is determined by the opinions of others
• Destructive communication skills

Are you willing to let go of the following in order to meet your need for self-control and self-knowledge?

• An aversion to being alone
• An aversion to examining personal thoughts and feelings
• A reluctance to accept ownership of personal choices
• A hesitancy to determine needs
• Rushing to anger

Are you willing to let go of the following in order to be at peace with yourself?

• Unforgiveness-the inability to let things go
• Promising things that you cannot be sure of delivering
• Attempting to control the personal choices of others
• Accepting responsibility for the personal choices of others
• Fighting facts and hating change.

We all can prevent out own needs from being met when we (by our actions) refuse to make room for their fulfillment. Continuing to engage in behaviors that have failed to bring us success in the past will limit our opportunities to see success in our present and our future.

This excellent learning material is adapted from the book entitled "Understanding Anger" by B. Ileen Seeley, M.A.
mental health

Song of the Week: HERO

HERO
By: Superchick
http://www.myspace.com/superchick

No one sits with him, he doesn't fit in,
But we feel like we do when we make fun of him,
'Cause you want to belong, do you go along?
'Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong
It’s not like you hate him or want him to die,
But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide,
Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side,
Any kindness from you might have saved his life...

TAG: Heroes are made when you make a choice...
CHORUS:
You could be a hero,
Heroes do what's right,
You could be a hero,
You might save a life,
You could be a hero, you could join the fight,
For what’s right, for what’s right, for what’s right...

No one talks to her, she feels so alone,
She's in too much pain to survive on her own,
The hurt she can't handle overflows to a knife,
She writes on her arm, wants to give up her life,
Each day she goes on is a day that she's brave,
Fighting the lie that giving up is the way,
Each moment of courage her own life she see's,
When she throws the pills out a hero is made...

TAG/CHORUS

No one talks to him about how he lives,
He thinks that the choices he makes are just his,
Doesn't know he's a leader with the way he behaves,
And others will follow the choices he's made,
He lives on the edge, he's old enough to decide,
His brother who wants to be him is just nine,
He can do what he wants because it's his right,
The choices he makes change a nine-year-old's life...

TAG/CHORUS

You could be a hero - (Our time is now) heroes do what's right
You could be a hero - (Our time is now) you might save a life
You could be a hero - (Our time is now) you could join the fight
For what's right.

The above lyrics are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.

selah

music therapy

Mental Health Tip of the Week: Empowerment

"Everything you need to know about life in one package"... funny! And for many it has been their truth. But personal power--being empowered--is much less about what others do or say regarding our lives, and more about what we choose to act upon for, and enact in, our lives.
There are basically two types of power an individual can have: power _over_ and _personal_ power. To have power over is to control others through manipulation, bribes, and threats. This may be an effective source of power but it has its limits. Trying to have power over is exhausting work because it requires constant vigilance and planning.
By notable contrast, personal power is the ability to take charge of yourself! It is the authority of your thoughts to determine how you feel about what you do. It is the mechanism that enables you to take care of your own needs, and defend against threats to your sense of self.
Personal power does not rely on other people and things for satisfaction or safety. It is free from environmental control. Personal power is inner strength! Self knowledge and self control are necessary components of personal power. You need to be aware of your needs, your rights, and your responsibilities as well as the limits of your control. Personal power is an inside job built on knowing that personal choices (thoughts, feelings, and behaviors) are totally under your control!

Your personal choices are responsible for your happiness.

Achieving and maintaining personal power is a great deal less frustrating than attempts to gain power OVER another. With personal power there is no need to seek happiness in futile and fruitless attempts to manipulate, bribe and threaten others. Personal power seeks only to control the things it can.
Personal power raises self-esteem and enhances emotional security by increasing levels of trust (trust in self and trust in others). Gaining control over your thoughts, feelings and behaviors provides confidence in your ability to take care of your own needs. Personal power is "guaranteed power" because it is based solely upon your relationship with yourself. The only thing it depends on is your own integrity.
People who demonstrate personal power:

• Are aware of and accept responsibility for their personal choices.
• Are aware of and accept limits on what they can control.
• Reject responsibility for the choices of others.
• Are willing to change unprofitable personal choices.
• Understand that a change in thoughts creates a change in feelings and behaviors (thoughts are a source for change!)
• Are capable of behaving assertively (while not stepping on others)
• Do not feel the need to defend or justify who they are or what they do.

Are you ready to discover the peace of mind that comes from accepting limits on your power to control? Begin by earning your own self respect by accepting the fact that you may not be able to control a situation, but you can control yourself IN the situation. And in the process of discovering and learning these important truths find that you are truly an empowered individual.

This excellent learning material is adapted from the book entitled "Understanding Anger" by B. Ileen Seeley, M.A.
mental health

Song of the Week: Blessing in Disguise

Blessing In Disguise

In the deep of the dark you fell in as the heart
of your world went down in flames.
to a cauldron of pain. Seeing no way out.
And as you walked through the fire, losing even desire,
it was like a dying swan to look at you then. But look at you now.

You have found a new lease on life.
A stronger step and a curious calm on your face, that you wear as if to say...

You can rise from the ashes again.
You can rise to the morning that breaks in your eyes.
For what looked like your heart's demise,
has turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

It has worked for the good, like you heard that it could.
But it was hard, so hard to believe
standing among the ruins of a dream.
But from here looking back, you can see clearly that
you can gain from things that you lose, and learn many ways by many means.

You have been an inspiration to me.
And all the volumes of hope your revival can speak will always say to me...

You can rise from the ashes again.
You can rise to the morning that breaks in your eyes.
For what looked like your heart's demise,
has turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

...It's turned out to be a blessing in disguise.

Album: Along the Road
Artist: Ashton, Becker, Dente

The above lyrics are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.

selah

music therapy