Song of the Week: Headlights

"A summer drive away from dying,
a broken heart nothing to lose.
I know it hurts so bad just trying to please the ones you hate to love.
And I wrote this note about someone I used to know,
so I'd remember how life can be so short when your left alone to wonder,
how it is someone opens and shuts the door.

I know your cold but come home.
It's a shame how short we all have come.

You set your mind on cruise control,
knuckles grip the wheel in fear to let it go.
Love is empty, love is cruel, love it blindly breaks the rules.
How could you have been a fool?
It's something all of us go through.
You choke back tears and swallow lies but those wiper blades won't fix you eyes,
count on having clouded vision for at least a little while.

And I know you're cold but come home: it's a shame how short we all have come.
And I know you're cold but come home.

Please don't face the headlights of the oncoming cars alone.
We won't forget the past. (And I know you're cold)
Say all the answers and I will let you go,
I won't look back
and I won't look back.

Say all the answers
and I will let you go.
I will let you go.
I will let you go

Say all the answers and I will let you go,
I won't look back. [x3]

Please don't face the headlights of the oncoming cars alone
and I will let you go."

The above lyrics "Headlights" by The Classic Crime, are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.


selah

music therapy

A heartfelt look at the 5 stages of grieving the loss of a relationship

"Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, the time comes when we realize that the relationship is over. Sometimes this is a mutual decision and others the choice of only one. Rest assured though, if you have been in this relationship for any length of time, both people are experiencing a form of loss to varying degrees. Typically, we view this time as an ending. The chapter has concluded and now it is time to turn the page.

Turning the page on a particularly deep relationship, especially if you were not ready for it to end, is often hard. We, the one left behind, ask ourselves many questions laden with self-doubt. Our ego has taken quite a hit and now we are left with a swirl of questions, and often, few immediate answers. Friends or family will tell us the old, worn-out saying, “There are plenty of fish in the sea”, but at this point in our lives we don’t want “other fish”. We want “the fish” that we may well have believed was the “big catch” we had been fishing for and finally caught. Though our friends mean well, they are pushing us to move too quickly past what can be a time of healing and self-discovery.

Modern psychology tells us the second most intense life stress (after death) is divorce or loss of a love relationship. The feelings of excruciating pain, loss, and depression are real emotions not to be ignored, buried, or minimized. We must allow our emotions to run their course if we are ever going to regain our ability to get on with our lives.

Though you may not realize it, you are grieving and that grief is perfectly healthy and normal.

Everyone deals with grief differently. Some people cry. Some people bond with their anger and scream until their throat is sore. Some of us crawl into bed and try to sleep the pain away. Some withdraw from social settings and others over eat. What we are all clearly in search of is to experience some form of comfort during a time when it seems like nothing will ever makes us feel safe and secure again. A great love has left us and we don’t expect to get over it; ever.

David Kessler and Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in their book, On Death and Dying, provided the modern psychological world with a widely accepted model of the five stages of grief. Below is my personal adaptation of these stages as it pertains to the loss of a relationship:

1. Denial
The body’s natural defense system works to protect us from threatening situations during the initial stages. You may find yourself operating on “cruise control”. You are going through the normal, everyday activities of your life, but you are only vaguely aware of what is happening. You are, in all actuality, only “going through the motions”. It is common to expect him or her to call or show up at any time and this whole situation will be explained as a simple misunderstanding.

2. Anger
This is the beginning of the heartache. You will allow your anger to rage. You might rehash details of the relationship over and over again questioning everything that was said or done. You might beat yourself up over ever allowing yourself to get involved with “any one like that” in the first place.

3. Bargaining
It is common in this stage to rehash the past, but not in the way you did before. Now you are reliving the good times and often with rose-colored glasses. You remember the good times and you begin to view the bad times as not that bad after all. Here you may find yourself plotting ways to get your lover back, but often by sacrificing your needs. You might think, “If I could just get him to take me back, I will never be jealous about his affairs again.”

4. Depression
Your anger and scheming has finally subsided and now you have hit bottom. This is, with out a doubt, the most painful stage. Here you will question if you can ever be happy again. The finality of the situation has set in to your mind. It is over and now you know it. Often, this stage is where the feelings of loss and hopelessness are strongest.

5. Acceptance
Time can heal all wounds, but time alone will not be enough. During this stage, we come to grips with the raging tide of emotions. We have ended the internal struggle and have completed the healing process of grief.

If you have recently ended an intensely emotional relationship, you should see yourself within one of these five stages right now. It is important to remember that the emotions you are feeling are natural. You are emotionally healing. Embrace this time and allow yourself to move steadily through each stage.

You should be aware that continuing to struggle with your grief may cause you to remain within one stage for an extended period of time and even cause you to fall back into an earlier stage. As is always the case with human beings, everyone is different. You may progress quickly or you may linger in each stage far longer than you would like. Whatever the case, it is important not to put a time limit on yourself. Your mind and body will know when it is time to move on and forcing yourself to move on before they are ready can lead to further complications.

Facing the end of a love relationship is difficult to say the least. But, it is my sincere hope that you will find comfort in knowing that the overwhelming range of emotions you are experiencing are completely normal, healthy and most importantly temporary.

And so the chapter has finished. It’s ok to pause and collect your thoughts. It is not the end of the book. Ahead of you lie many more pages of joy, fulfillment, and adventure. When you are ready, you will turn the page and whole new chapter will begin."

About Author
Intuitive Relationship Advisor Brandon Windsor offers one-on-one love, dating, and relationship advice.
Article Source

mental health

Alumni page on Facebook for LaSalle University in Mandeville, LA.

Infidelity Sucks!

In my line of work, I hear so many stories. And in the songs I listen to I hear so many stories. This song below may not exactly be "telling" the story" that I can "hear" in it... but the song comes at a time when I have heard from so many broken people, broken relationships, lost trust and hope that it seems to "fit." It can be difficult to convey to people that sometimes "the hardest thing and the right thing are the same thing." A less poetic way to say it all might be: "infidelity sucks!" What would it take for any of us "all at once" to have the epiphany we needed to make sure that we chose the "right thing"? The question is the easy part... the answer is the hard part!

"There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it,
Maybe it's all you're running from,
Perfection will not come...

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her maybe you need her
Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another
To another."

The above lyrics "All At Once" by the Fray, are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.


selah

music therapy

Breaking Free! Getting UN-stuck...

Why do we stay "stuck" where we are in certain areas of our lives? Why is it that we talk about change, but but just can't seem to put drive behind our desire? This article contains five ideas to help the "shift" (from desire to action) happen, plus much more excellent information. Read on, click below!

read more | digg story



mental health

selah

Is "clean and sober" enough?

Is "clean and sober" enough? ...I had previously thought so!
There are countless areas of our lives that we can "clean up"-sometimes for extended periods of time.
Someone recently said to me that almost any "addict" can become "sober" (or pull off "abstinence" for a period of time), but it is NOT the same thing as "recovery."
The concept of "abstinence" and "recovery" do NOT apply only to addiction to alcohol-but also sexual addiction, addiction to drugs, food, smoking... you name it.
If we discover that something has control over us, and we can only maintain periods of control over "IT"... then it is a possibility that we have become good at "abstinence" (cleaning up) and yet not have ever truly started the life long, lifestyle changing process of "recovery."

I found a little bit of information on the distinction between "abstinence" and "recovery" below (I am sure there is a lot more on the web about this topic). This information is specific to alcohol- however, any addiction could well be substituted.
NOTE how many differences there are between the outlook of an individual who is toughing out "abstinence" and the person who is walking through "recovery."
{Leave your anonymous vote in the "what's your poison" poll in sidebar to the right...}

http://www.alcoholanddrugabuse.com/

"Abstinence from alcohol & drug use on the one hand and recovery from alcoholism & addiction on the other represent two very different states. Sometimes the boundaries between the two become blurred, but they're definitely there. Read on...

Some alcoholics and addicts become ABSTINENT but do _not_ enter recovery.
Abstinent, but not recovering, alcoholics (and addicts) show the following attitudes and behaviors:

• They maintain abstinence from alcohol and drugs because to drink and/or use again would most likely cause more problems.
• They don't enjoy being sober and clean, miss getting high, and feel disappointed in or angry about being abstinent.
• They maintain abstinence through will-power and believe that strong will-power is adequate for continued abstinence.
• They would like to drink and/or use again and would do so if reasonably sure that prior problems would not recur.

Some alcoholics and addicts are not only abstinent but also in RECOVERY.
Recovering alcoholics and addicts show the following attitudes and behaviors:

• They maintain abstinence from alcohol and drugs because to drink and/or use again would compromise the quality of life found in sobriety.
• They enjoy being sober and clean and feel grateful for sobriety.
• They utilize resources instead of or in addition to will-power to maintain sobriety and to learn healthier ways to think, feel, and act.
• They have no desire to drink or use again and would not do so even if reasonably sure that problems would not recur.

The bottom line is this:

Make no bones about it; moving out of alcoholism & addiction, through abstinence, and into recovery does not happen by accident or by magic. It requires time, patience, and above all - action."



mental health

selah

Song of the Week: The Last Night

"The Last Night" by SKILLET on "Comatose"
http://www.myspace.com/skilletmusic

"You come to me with scars on your wrist
You tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn't want you to see me cry, I'm fine
But I know it's a lie.

[Chorus:]
This is the last night you'll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I'm everywhere you want me to be.
The last night you'll spend alone,
I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go,
I'm everything you need me to be.

Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don't know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I'm so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie.

[Chorus]

The last night away from me

[Bridge:]
The night is so long when everything's wrong
If you give me your hand I will help you hold on
...tonight

[Chorus]

I won't let you say goodbye,
I'll be your reason why.

The last night away from me,
Away from me."

The above lyrics are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.

mental health

selah

Mental Health Tip of the Week: Are you "burnt out" on giving?

• Do you spend most your time and energy taking care of other people?
• Do you find you have little or no energy left to take care of yourself?
• Do you sacrifice your needs in order to meet others' needs?
• Do you feel it is your duty to always put others first?
• Do you feel guilty when, at times, you resent your role as a caretaker?

How to Care for Yourself While Caring for Others:

It's easy to forget about your own needs when you are a caregiver. But doing that takes a toll on your health.

Here are some caregiver support tips to help you stay healthy and reduce your stress while you’re caring for someone else.

• Accept your own limits. As a caregiver, you don’t have to do it all, and you shouldn’t try. Admit when you feel overwhelmed, and ask for help.
• Create a caregiver support team. Before you can ask for help, you need to know who you can ask. Plan ahead for times when you'll need help by making a list of people who are willing to help you with caregiver support. Family members, friends and professionals may give you a break or help out when you can't be there.
• Schedule time for yourself. Don't forget to schedule time for activities you enjoy. There are more important things than doing the laundry, and caregiver support is one of them.

Remember, this is about staying healthy in mind and body, so you need to make time to have fun now and then.

Make your own health your first priority. This may sound selfish, but it’s not. Being a caregiver is a big job, and the only way you can provide the caregiving your loved one needs is to make sure you stay healthy.

The kind of stress you’re trying to manage every day can easily lead to depression; staying fit and healthy can help you cope, reduce stress, and make it easier to get through tough days when they come.

Caregiver Burnout:

This is a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion that may be accompanied by a change in attitude -- from positive and caring to negative and unconcerned. Burnout can occur when caregivers don't get the help they need, or if they try to do more than they are able -- either physically or financially. Caregivers who are "burned out" may experience fatigue, stress, anxiety, and depression. Many caregivers also feel guilty if they spend time on themselves rather than on the ones they aim to help.

Signs of Caregiver Burnout:

The signs of burnout can present themselves in many ways, such as :

• Changes in Sleep Pattern. Sleeping too often, too little, or interrupted sleep can often signal caregiver stress or burnout.
• Changes in Appetite. Take notice of any change of appetite, like eating more or less. This can result in weight loss and weight gain. Eating healthy can provide the much-needed energy to provide quality care.
• Exhaustion. Feeling fatigued is often one of first burnout symptoms people experience. If exhaustion prevents you from completing basic daily activities or is persistent, see your doctor.
• Withdrawing from Friends and Family. Caregivers suffering from burnout often withdraw from friends, family, and social activities.
• Feeling Overly Emotional. Crying at the drop of that hat or feeling angry for no reason are important signs of burnout. Displaced anger can often occur during burnout.

When a person develops a mental illness, family members and others have the power to influence the recovery process favorably or otherwise.

While getting enough exercise, sleep and nourishing food is a good idea if you want to maintain health, there's more to self-care when a loved one is sick.

"Most people feel selfish meeting their own needs," Heinssen (clinical psychologist) said, "so, they keep doing and doing, neglecting their own needs, until eventually they burn out. No one benefits, especially not the patient. But 'selfishness' and 'healthy self-interest' are not the same."

Dealing with illness and its different stages brings on challenges and pulls on many different emotions, both for the individual and for the family members who are dedicated to caring for them; it's important to know how best to regulate these feelings.

"Significant others can either bolster a person's ability to tolerate the stress of an illness or can contribute to the worsening of symptoms," Heinssen said. "When we don't take care of our own needs, we're more likely to become irritable, short-tempered, judgmental, resentful--which can have a negative impact on the person who's struggling to get better."

Studies show that supportive, flexible and enduring relationships can "facilitate a person's stability and recovery." Therefore it is of the utmost importance to the well-being of those we care for that we first and foremost take care of ourselves.

Adapted from various sources:
http://about.com/od/healthnutrition/a/caregivertips_2.htm
National Institute of Mental Health
http://www.4therapy.com

mental health

selah

How to Let Go of Guilt and Learn to Forgive

"We have all done things that we are not proud of. ...These sorts of past actions can leave us feeling ashamed & guilty, & we can end up carrying our guilt for years. Guilt is probably one of the most debilitating & negative emotions there is ... But if we want to live happy lives, we need to deal with... and not allow..." (Story copywrited by Theun Mares) Brief excerpt, full story by following the "read more" link.

read more | digg story
mental health

selah

Song of the Week: Maybe...

"I'm trying to work things out
I'm trying to comprehend
Am I the chance result
Of some great accident.
I hear a rhythm call me
The echo of a grand design,
I spend each night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars in the sky.

I have another meeting today
With my new counselor
My mom will cry and say
'I don't know what to do with her.
She's so unresponsive
I just cannot break through
She spends all night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars and the moon.'

They have a chart and a graph
Of my despondency
They want to chart a path
For self-recovery.
And want to know what I'm thinking
What motivates my mood
To spend all night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars and the moon.

Maybe this was made for me
For lying on my back in the middle of a field,
Maybe that's a selfish thought
Or maybe there's a loving God.

Maybe I was made this way
To think and to reason and to question and to pray...
And I have never prayed a lot
But maybe there's a loving God.

And that may be a foolish thought
Or maybe there is a God...
And I have never prayed a lot...
But maybe there's a loving God."

Song by Sara Groves, from the CD "All Right Here." The above lyrics are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.


selah

music therapy

What To Do When It Hurts

The blog that this particular article is found on ("Finding your marbles: A mental health survival guide") appears to already be a well traveled and well commented blog, but this article on "what to do when it hurts" is very good, and I felt it deserved an extra "digg." Definitely worth reading! Click and read on for yourself. "Selah"...
read more | digg story

Song of the Week: Freedom to Feel

Freedom to Feel, by John Reuben
http://www.myspace.com/johnreuben

"Step away
Keep your distance
I can't be what you want me to be.
But right now there are things inside I don't want you to see
So take your personal spotlight
Shine it on someone else for a while
I can't force a happy face or makeshift you a smile.
I can't deny what I see, what I feel or what's in front of me
So take your world of precious moments of make-believe
They never made me believe in anything
But left me with nothing to hold on to.
Your quick fix and magic tricks can only disguise what I was going through
And now I'm thinkin' it was when it wasn't
And now I'm tryin' to rationalize what just doesn't
Come together and somehow doesn't make sense
But God, how can I convince them when I'm not even convinced?

Everyone is thinkin' it, but nobody's sayin' it
Everyone's sayin' it, but nobody's feeling it
Everyone's feeling it, but nobody's seein' it
So how am I supposed to know what's real?

False sense of happiness
My security wrapped up in this
These control freaks seek out who they can brainwash and make activists.
They'd rather have me lie than bring my failure to the light
Keep your secrets to yourself
It's not about you but them lookin' right.
No time to be ugly
Don't trouble them with your doubt and fears
Shout for joy little boys and girls
You brokenness ain't welcome here.
Well excuse me while I bleed through and my life becomes see-through
Don't ask for transparency but reject what you seein' too.

Everyone is thinkin' it, but nobody's sayin' it
Everyone is sayin' it, but nobody's feelin' it
Everyone is feelin' it, but nobody is seein' it
So tell me, how am I supposed to know what's real?

Everyone is thinkin' it
Everyone is feelin' it
But nobody is seeing it
And how
Am I supposed to feel?
How am I supposed to know what's real?

So please
Can somebody tell me how am I supposed to know what's real
When I was told and controlled how to feel?
You tell me now, how am I supposed to know what's real
When I was told and controlled how to feel?
Jesus, please tell me
How are they gonna know you're real
When we're told and controlled how to feel?
Jesus, tell me please
How are they gonna know you're real
When they're controlled and told how to feel?
You tell me
How am I supposed to know what's real
When I was told and controlled how to feel?
You tell me please, God
How are they gonna know that you're real
When they're told and controlled how to feel?
You tell me please
How am I supposed to know what's real?
How are they supposed to know what's real?
How are you and I supposed to know?

Freedom to feel

How am I supposed to feel?
How am I supposed to know what's real?"

The above lyrics are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, the lyrics are provided for educational purposes only. If you like the song, please buy relative CD to support the artist.



selah

music therapy

Mental Health Tip of the Week: What am I willing to give up?

Recently we discussed personal power. Personal power is demonstrated by the willingness to let go of personal choices that have been interfering with your ability to meet your needs. What are you willing to let go of in order to gain personal power and satisfy your needs?

Are you willing to let go of the following in order to meet your need for self-esteem?

• Wanting or demanding that others approve of you
• Wanting to be perfect
• Having to win
• Minimizing the importance of your feelings and opinions
• Disliking yourself

Are you willing to let go of the following in order to meet your need for understanding?

• Wanting to be right
• A lack of interest in any other person's point of view
• Ignoring the facts in forming your opinions
• Making hasty judgments about the behavior of others
• Believing others are out to get you

Are you willing to let go of the following in order to meet your need for emotional security?

• Fearing others
• Fearing the opinions of others
• Continually disregarding your rights in favor of the rights of others (occasionally this is necessary on everyone's part, the issue is when it is continually)
• Believing your personal value is determined by the opinions of others
• Destructive communication skills

Are you willing to let go of the following in order to meet your need for self-control and self-knowledge?

• An aversion to being alone
• An aversion to examining personal thoughts and feelings
• A reluctance to accept ownership of personal choices
• A hesitancy to determine needs
• Rushing to anger

Are you willing to let go of the following in order to be at peace with yourself?

• Unforgiveness-the inability to let things go
• Promising things that you cannot be sure of delivering
• Attempting to control the personal choices of others
• Accepting responsibility for the personal choices of others
• Fighting facts and hating change.

We all can prevent out own needs from being met when we (by our actions) refuse to make room for their fulfillment. Continuing to engage in behaviors that have failed to bring us success in the past will limit our opportunities to see success in our present and our future.

This excellent learning material is adapted from the book entitled "Understanding Anger" by B. Ileen Seeley, M.A.
mental health